Simon Haynes

Biography

Simon Haynes lives in Western Australia, where he divides his time between herding deadly spiders, dodging drop bears, and making up wildly inaccurate sentences like this one.

By day he's an author. By night he's also an author.

He loves wry, dry humour, and his hobbies include daringly inserting the letter U into words where -- in some parts of the world at least -- this simply isn't the done thing.

As for his genre-spanning novels, they include epic fantasy (with robots), scifi comedy (also with robots), middle grade humour (featuring robots AND the wanton use of the letter U), as well as a series of historical mystery novels set in 1870's London. (No, of course there aren't robots in those. He's not completely out of his mind.)

When he's not writing Simon is usually renovating his house, sim-racing online, using twitter (@spacejock), gardening, tweaking his book covers, pondering the meaning of the universe and reading, and if you think it's easy doing all that at the same time you should see what he can do with a mug of coffee, a banana and a large bag of salt.

When he's not making outlandish claims he likes to count how many novels he's written, and how many genres he's written them in. (Lots and too many.)

Finally, if you want to hear Simon reading one of his award-winning stories, you'll find an enticement to join his newsletter here: spacejock.com.au/ML.html

Smashwords Interview

What motivated you to become an indie author?
Back in 1999 I submitted a manuscript to several publishers, one after another, and I couldn't believe how long it was taking to hear back. (I'm writing this in 2018, and one of those publishers still hasn't responded!)
So, in 2000 I thought "stuff this, I'm not wasting my life waiting around." I wrote a piece of software called yBook, which displayed electronic books on-screen with properly formatted pages that turned when you clicked them. After yBook was in general use, I released my first novel in ebook format.
How has Smashwords contributed to your success?
Apart from a short experiment where one of my series was exclusive to a particular retailer, I've always gone wide with my books. As a teenager I remember the frustration when some new game was only released for a particular computer, or console, and I believe keen readers feel the same when they can't read their favourite authors on a given device.
Authors shouldn't stick their work behind artificial walls.
Read more of this interview.

Where to find Simon Haynes online

Where to buy in print

Series

Harriet Walsh
Featuring the popular character from Hal Spacejock: No Free Lunch, these novels are light science fiction with no swearing or adult situations.
Peace Force
Price: $2.99 USD.
Alpha Minor
Price: $4.99 USD.
Sierra Bravo
Price: $4.99 USD.
Foxtrot Hotel
Price: $4.99 USD.
The Secret War
A thrilling space opera series featuring a rookie pilot in deep space battles, intrigue and incursions!
Raiders
Price: $2.99 USD.
Frontier
Price: $4.99 USD.
Hal Spacejock
Funny science fiction novels with real plots and characters. Each book is a self-contained novel.
Zero
Price: Free!
Hal Junior
Science fiction adventures for ages 8-12
The Secret Signal
Price: $2.99 USD.
The Missing Case
Price: $4.99 USD.
The Gyris Mission
Price: $4.99 USD.
The Comet Caper
Price: $4.99 USD.
Dragon and Chips
Fantasy comedy from the author of the Hal Spacejock series. The first three novels form a trilogy, with each book continuing the previous one.
A Butt of Heads
Price: $4.99 USD.

Books

Foxtrot Hotel
Series: Harriet Walsh. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 69,300. Language: Australian English. Published: April 3, 2021. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » General, Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
First a dead body shows up on Harriet's favourite beach. Then she discovers the whole place is going to be bulldozed for an apartment complex. She's convinced the two are connected, but she'll have to untangle a web of lies and corruption to reach the truth. Meanwhile, someone has decided that the best way to avoid discovery is to silence Harriet... for good!
Frontier
Series: The Secret War. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 69,600. Language: British English. Published: December 27, 2020. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Military, Fiction » Science fiction » Space opera
After messing up a live fire exercise, Sam Willet is hauled before the squadron leader for punishment. Her career as a fighter pilot appears to be over before it really began. Then, without warning, the enemy launches a major attack. Against this overwhelming force, every pilot is needed... Sam included. Now is her chance to redeem herself. Now is her chance to fight back.
Zero
Series: Hal Spacejock, Book 0. Price: Free! Words: 35,260. Language: British English. Published: December 24, 2020. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure, Fiction » Science fiction » General
Instead of loading cargo into freighters, Hal Spacejock wants to fly them, exploring the galaxy in his very own ship. It seems like an impossible dream, until Hal intervenes in a one-sided fight in the shadow of a battered old freighter...
Dragon and Chips Omnibus One
Price: $7.99 USD. Words: 226,380. Language: British English. Published: June 4, 2019. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » General, Fiction » Fantasy » Contemporary
For the first time, get all three books in the first Dragon and Chips trilogy in a single collection. Contains over 210,000 words of fiction. Tasty, fire-breathing dragons. Angry sea serpents. Sea battles, land battles, assassins and more. Get it now! (All three novels are also available in audiobook)
Raiders
Series: The Secret War. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 70,630. Language: British English. Published: May 21, 2019. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Space opera, Fiction » Science fiction » Military
What happens when you're worth more dead than alive? A decorated fighter pilot is lost in combat, and his death is used to inspire waves of fresh recruits. Recruits desperately needed to fight in the long-running war. Sam Willet is one such recruit, but she's different. Different because the missing hero is her brother, and Sam has questions. Questions nobody wants asked...
The Comet Caper
Series: Hal Junior. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 25,580. Language: English. Published: November 20, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction
Space Station Oberon is on high alert, because a comet is about to whizz past the nearby planet of Gyris. All the scientists are preparing for the exciting event, and all the kids are planning on watching. All the kids except Hal Junior, who's been given detention...
A Pair of Nuts on the Throne
Series: Dragon and Chips. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 81,320. Language: English. Published: October 27, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
Ahh, the Old Kingdom. Come and admire our angry dragons close up. Take a dip with mighty sea serpents in our warm seas. Play catch-the-arrow with merry elven warriors. Drink beer* with the dwarves. For an unforgettable experience, the Old Kingdom is the ideal destination for your next holiday** Survival is optional, and highly unlikely.
A Butt of Heads
Series: Dragon and Chips. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 73,750. Language: English. Published: September 30, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » Epic, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
Events are unfolding at a breakneck pace in the Old Kingdom! Laugh as your favourite characters spit in the face of danger ... then run for the hills. Admire the verbal jousting and witty swordplay ... or is it the other way round? Giggle as kings and queens lose their heads. And above all ... gasp in astonishment as you learn exactly what Clunk's building in his makeshift workshop.
Collect One-Two
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 45,070. Language: English. Published: August 24, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories, Fiction » Fantasy » Short stories
This collection contains a dozen short stories by Simon Haynes Sleight of Hand The Desolator Updown A Piece of the Action Catch of the Day Yard Fail Off Course Billy's Book Loss Leader Fizz! Thonn! Escape Clause
A Portion of Dragon and Chips
Series: Dragon and Chips. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 73,020. Language: English. Published: August 20, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » Epic, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
A manic fantasy sendup featuring tasty dragons and even tastier assassins. Don't miss this laugh of the year! This is the first novel in a three book series. Each book in the series continues plot lines and character arcs from the previous title, with everything wrapping up in book three.
Hal Junior Omnibus One
Price: $7.99 USD. Words: 92,330. Language: English. Published: August 17, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction, Fiction » Children’s books » Readers / Chapter Books
Contains three full-length science fiction novels featuring that outer-space troublemaker, Hal Junior. Three hair-raising adventures, dozens of illustrations, and enough laughs to keep your space kids laughing for hours! Perfect for ages 8-12. Hal Junior novels are also available in paperback editions.
Harriet Walsh Omnibus One
Price: $8.99 USD. Words: 177,650. Language: English. Published: August 6, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » General, Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
For the first time, get all three Harriet Walsh novels in one volume! All the Harriet Walsh novels are set in the distant future, where the galaxy has been colonised and human-like robots are commonplace. They're good clean fun, written with wry humor.
Sierra Bravo
Series: Harriet Walsh. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 68,290. Language: English. Published: June 18, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure, Fiction » Science fiction » General
A criminal gang has moved into Chirless, Dismolle's second major city. Elderly residents are fed up with the loud music, noisy cars and late night parties, not to mention hold-ups, muggings and the occasional gunfight. Chirless has no Peace Force, so it's up to Harriet Walsh of the Dismolle City branch to help out ...
How to Write a Novel
Price: $5.99 USD. Words: 16,460. Language: English. Published: June 17, 2018. Categories: Nonfiction » Education & Study Guides » Literacy » Composition & creative writing, Nonfiction » Publishing » Self-publishing
Maybe you want to write a novel which has been on your mind for years. You don't care how long it takes, you just want to see it through to the end. Or maybe you see yourself as a career novelist - there's a real challenge - and you want to write books quickly and efficiently. I've done both, and I cover both approaches in How to Write a Novel.
Alpha Minor
Series: Harriet Walsh. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 56,640. Language: British English. Published: May 2, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure, Fiction » Science fiction » General
The Peace Force has a new recruit, and she's driving everyone crazy. From disobeying orders to handling unauthorised cases, nothing is off-limits.
Peace Force
Series: Harriet Walsh. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 61,390. Language: English. Published: April 2, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
Harriet's boss is a huge robot with worn out batteries, the patrol car is driving her up the wall, and her first case will probably kill her. Welcome to the PEACE FORCE!
The Gyris Mission
Series: Hal Junior, Book 3. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 32,630. Language: English. Published: September 17, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction, Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
(5.00 from 1 review)
Hal and Stinky are very excited about the camping trip to Planet Gyris ... imagine a whole week of fishing, swimming, sleeping in tents and running wild! Unfortunately, the boys crash land in the middle of a forest, and there's little chance of rescue. Is this the end of the camping trip ... or the start of a thrilling new adventure?
The Missing Case
Series: Hal Junior, Book 2. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 31,130. Language: English. Published: September 5, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction, Fiction » Science fiction » General
Space Station Oberon is expecting an important visitor, and everyone is on their best behaviour. Even Hal Junior is doing his best to stay out of trouble! From multi-coloured smoke bombs to exploding space rations, Hal Junior proves ... trouble is what he's best at!
Yard Fail
Price: Free! Words: 3,220. Language: English. Published: November 16, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories
When Ralph Swindon tinkers in his workshop, the whole world holds its breath ... A 2700-word short story. Trivia: Features the characters from Sleight of Hand.
Sleight of Hand
Price: Free! Words: 8,840. Language: English. Published: November 16, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories
After a cosy meal, the protagonist retires to his host's workshop for an after-dinner drink ... and becomes the unwitting subject of an experiment. Trivia: Sleight of Hand won the 2001 Aurealis Award for Horror.
Thonn!
Price: Free! Words: 2,860. Language: English. Published: November 16, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
(3.00 from 1 review)
Synopsis: Magick is banned in Thonn's world, outlawed after greedy and power-hungry wizards almost destroyed the entire planet. So imagine his surprise when he spies Eddie de Elder performing Magick spells! A 2500 word Fantasy/Comedy story
Updown
Price: Free! Words: 1,940. Language: English. Published: November 16, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories
(4.00 from 1 review)
Social services have come to take 10-year old Daniel away from his home and family, but his best friend Danny has other ideas ... A 1600 word Science Fiction story
Billy's Book
Price: Free! Words: 5,270. Language: English. Published: November 16, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
(3.00 from 1 review)
Billy Crump is the local stable boy. Fed up with mucking out horses, he sneaks into the wizard's lab, concocts a potion using all the rare and expensive ingredients, and somehow ends up with a talking book. His first thought? Sell the book ... and say goodbye to horse muck forever! A 5000 word fantasy/comedy story
Off Course
Price: Free! Words: 2,170. Language: English. Published: November 16, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Sports, Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories
When you're on for a birdie, watch for aliens in the rough. A 1500 word SF/comedy/golf story
Catch of the Day
Price: Free! Words: 4,060. Language: English. Published: November 14, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Ken and Steve reluctantly give up their lawnmowing duties for a weekend of fishing, booze and male bonding. Unfortunately the fish aren't biting, supplies are running low and worst of all ... the beer just ran out. Then, without warning, an alien colony ship arrives in orbit, and that's when Ken's problems REALLY start. A 4000 word short story by the author of the Hal Spacejock series.
The Secret Signal
Series: Hal Junior, Book 1. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 25,880. Language: English. Published: September 18, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction, Fiction » Science fiction » General
(5.00 from 1 review)
Hal Junior lives aboard a futuristic space station. His mum is chief scientist, his dad cleans air filters and his best mate is Stephen 'Stinky' Binn. As for Hal ... he's a bit of a trouble magnet. He means well, but his wild schemes and crazy plans never turn out as expected! Hal Junior: The Secret Signal features mayhem and laughs, daring and intrigue ... plus a home-made space cannon!
A Piece of the Action
Price: Free! Words: 8,840. Language: English. Published: March 4, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories, Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
(4.00 from 1 review)
Flat broke and stranded in a South American country, Ralph Gardiner is nursing a beer and contemplating the wreckage of his life. No money, no prospects, and worst of all ... the beer is warm. When a local businessman approaches him with a curious job offer, Ralph decides he has very little to lose ... 8000 Word Short Story.
The Desolator
Price: Free! Words: 6,340. Language: English. Published: March 4, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » Short stories, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Join Hurm, Runt and Father Mephistophiles as they struggle to save the hamlet of Yendour from a marauding dragon. Originally published in Andromeda Spaceways #6.
Loss Leader
Price: Free! Words: 9,310. Language: English. Published: March 4, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories, Fiction » Science fiction » General
(4.33 from 3 reviews)
After many delays and last-minute setbacks, the first colony ship leaves planet Earth for a distant star. Join the crew as they discover all is not as it seems... Originally published in Andromeda Spaceways #3

Smashwords book reviews by Simon Haynes

  • Opening Acts on Aug. 01, 2011
    (no rating)
    Thanks for the comment - the website has been fixed.