Simon Haynes

Biography

Simon Haynes is the author of eight Hal Spacejock novels, three Harriet Walsh novels, three Hal Junior middle-grade novels, a number of articles on writing and publishing, and several short stories.

He's also written a book on fiction-writing, titled How to Write a Novel, and is currently working on A Portion of Dragon and Chips, book one in a brand new fantasy comedy series.

Born in the UK and raised in the south of Spain, Simon emigrated to Australia with his family in 1983.

Smashwords Interview

What motivated you to become an indie author?
Back in 1999 I submitted a manuscript to several publishers, one after another, and I couldn't believe how long it was taking to hear back. (I'm writing this in 2018, and one of those publishers still hasn't responded!)
So, in 2000 I thought "stuff this, I'm not wasting my life waiting around." I wrote a piece of software called yBook, which displayed electronic books on-screen with properly formatted pages that turned when you clicked them. After yBook was in general use, I released my first novel in ebook format.
How has Smashwords contributed to your success?
Apart from a short experiment where one of my series was exclusive to a particular retailer, I've always gone wide with my books. As a teenager I remember the frustration when some new game was only released for a particular computer, or console, and I believe keen readers feel the same when they can't read their favourite authors on a given device.
Authors shouldn't stick their work behind artificial walls.
Read more of this interview.

Where to find Simon Haynes online


Where to buy in print


Series

Hal Spacejock Omnibus
The boxed sets of Hal Spacejock novels

Hal Spacejock Omnibus One

Price: $2.99 USD.

Hal Spacejock Omnibus Two

Price: $7.99 USD.

Hal Spacejock Omnibus Three

Price: $7.99 USD.
Hal Spacejock
Funny science fiction novels with real plots and characters. Each book is a self-contained novel.

A Robot Named Clunk

Price: $2.99 USD.

Second Course

Price: $4.99 USD.

Just Desserts

Price: $4.99 USD.

No Free Lunch

Price: $4.99 USD.

Baker's Dough

Price: $4.99 USD.
Robot vs Dragons
Fantasy comedy from the author of the Hal Spacejock series

A Butt of Heads

Price: $4.99 USD.
Harriet Walsh
Featuring the popular character from Hal Spacejock: No Free Lunch, these novels are light science fiction with no swearing or adult situations.

Peace Force

Price: $2.99 USD.

Alpha Minor

Price: $3.99 USD.

Sierra Bravo

Price: $3.99 USD.
Hal Junior
Science fiction adventures for ages 8-12

The Secret Signal

Price: $2.99 USD.

The Missing Case

Price: $2.99 USD.

The Gyris Mission

Price: $2.99 USD.

Books

The Comet Caper
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 25,780. Language: English. Published: November 20, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction
Space Station Oberon is on high alert, because a comet is about to whizz past the nearby planet of Gyris. All the scientists are preparing for the exciting event, and all the kids are planning on watching. All the kids except Hal Junior, who's been given detention...
Hal Spacejock Omnibus Three
Series: Hal Spacejock Omnibus. Price: $7.99 USD. Words: 246,610. Language: English. Published: November 6, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » General
Contains Hal Spacejock books 7-9 plus Albion. Hal Spacejock 7: Big Bang Hal Spacejock 8: Double Trouble Hal Spacejock 9: Max Damage Hal Spacejock: Albion (A novella) Hal Spacejock Omnibus One and Hal Spacejock Omnibus Two also available.
Max Damage
Series: Hal Spacejock. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 70,950. Language: English. Published: November 4, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure, Fiction » Young adult or teen » Sci-Fi & fantasy
Hal and Clunk answer a distress call, and they discover a fellow pilot stranded deep inside an asteroid field. Clunk is busy at the controls, dodging incoming rocks, so Hal dons a spacesuit, takes the jetbike and sets off on a heroic rescue mission. If he'd only known the trouble he was getting himself into, he wouldn't have bothered...
A Pair of Nuts on the Throne
Series: Robot vs Dragons. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 81,490. Language: English. Published: October 27, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
Ahh, the Old Kingdom. Come and admire our angry dragons close up. Take a dip with mighty sea serpents in our warm seas. Play catch-the-arrow with merry elven warriors. Drink beer* with the dwarves. For an unforgettable experience, the Old Kingdom is the ideal destination for your next holiday** Survival is optional, and highly unlikely.
A Butt of Heads
Series: Robot vs Dragons. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 71,140. Language: English. Published: September 30, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » Epic, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
Events are unfolding at a breakneck pace in the Old Kingdom! Laugh as your favourite characters spit in the face of danger ... then run for the hills. Admire the verbal jousting and witty swordplay ... or is it the other way round? Giggle as kings and queens lose their heads. And above all ... gasp in astonishment as you learn exactly what Clunk's building in his makeshift workshop.
Albion
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 14,780. Language: English. Published: September 19, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories
Hal takes an odd call from a team of scientists, and minutes later he and Clunk are boarding a shuttle for the nearby orbiter. Turns out the scientists need some vital information, and only Hal can help! This story follows directly after Hal Spacejock 8: Double Trouble, and should be read after that novel.
Collect One-Two
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 45,070. Language: English. Published: August 24, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories, Fiction » Fantasy » Short stories
This collection contains a dozen short stories by Simon Haynes Sleight of Hand The Desolator Updown A Piece of the Action Catch of the Day Yard Fail Off Course Billy's Book Loss Leader Fizz! Thonn! Escape Clause
A Portion of Dragon and Chips
Series: Robot vs Dragons. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 70,460. Language: English. Published: August 20, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » Epic, Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
A manic fantasy sendup featuring tasty dragons and even tastier assassins. Don't miss this laugh of the year! This is the first novel in a three book series. Each book in the series continues plot lines and character arcs from the previous title, with everything wrapping up in book three.
Hal Junior Omnibus One
Price: $7.99 USD. Words: 92,770. Language: English. Published: August 17, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction, Fiction » Children’s books » Readers / Chapter Books
Contains three full-length science fiction novels featuring that outer-space troublemaker, Hal Junior. Three hair-raising adventures, dozens of illustrations, and enough laughs to keep your space kids laughing for hours! Perfect for ages 8-12. Hal Junior novels are also available in paperback editions.
Harriet Walsh Omnibus One
Price: $7.99 USD. Words: 178,170. Language: English. Published: August 6, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » General, Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
For the first time, get all three Harriet Walsh novels in one volume! All the Harriet Walsh novels are set in the distant future, where the galaxy has been colonised and human-like robots are commonplace. They're good clean fun, written with wry humor.
Sierra Bravo
Series: Harriet Walsh. Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 65,800. Language: English. Published: June 18, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure, Fiction » Science fiction » General
A criminal gang has moved into Chirless, Dismolle's second major city. Elderly residents are fed up with the loud music, noisy cars and late night parties, not to mention hold-ups, muggings and the occasional gunfight. Chirless has no Peace Force, so it's up to Harriet Walsh of the Dismolle City branch to help out ...
How to Write a Novel
Price: $5.99 USD. Words: 16,200. Language: English. Published: June 17, 2018. Categories: Nonfiction » Education & Study Guides » Literacy
Maybe you want to write a novel which has been on your mind for years. You don't care how long it takes, you just want to see it through to the end. Or maybe you see yourself as a career novelist - there's a real challenge - and you want to write books quickly and efficiently. I've done both, and I cover both approaches in How to Write a Novel.
Hal Spacejock Omnibus Two
Series: Hal Spacejock Omnibus. Price: $7.99 USD. Words: 230,240. Language: English. Published: May 22, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » General, Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
Get three books in one! Set in the distant future, where humanity spans the galaxy and robots are second-class citizens, Hal Spacejock will strike a chord with fans of Red Dwarf and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, while simultaneously forging its own wacky, off-beat path through the cosmos. Hal Spacejock Omnibus Two contains books 4-6 in the Hal Spacejock series plus a bonus short story: Framed
Hal Spacejock Omnibus One
Series: Hal Spacejock Omnibus. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 241,460. Language: English. Published: May 20, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » General
Get three books in one! Set in the distant future, where humanity spans the galaxy and robots are second-class citizens, Hal Spacejock will strike a chord with fans of Red Dwarf and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, while simultaneously forging its own wacky, off-beat path through the cosmos. Hal Spacejock Omnibus One contains the first three books in the Hal Spacejock series
Visit
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,960. Language: English. Published: May 20, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories, Fiction » Science fiction » General
Hal and Clunk are stuck in port, forced to wait two whole days for their next cargo. Hal returns to the ship after a little shopping expedition and finds Clunk in a right old state. Break out the crayons and colouring sheets ... he's organised a school visit!
Alpha Minor
Series: Harriet Walsh. Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 54,600. Language: British English. Published: May 2, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure, Fiction » Science fiction » General
The Peace Force has a new recruit, and she's driving everyone crazy. From disobeying orders to handling unauthorised cases, nothing is off-limits.
Peace Force
Series: Harriet Walsh. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 58,420. Language: English. Published: April 2, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
Harriet's boss is a huge robot with worn out batteries, the patrol car is driving her up the wall, and her first case will probably kill her. Welcome to the PEACE FORCE!
Double Trouble
Series: Hal Spacejock. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 77,270. Language: English. Published: March 29, 2018. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Hal Spacejock dons a flash suit, hypershades and a curly earpiece for a stint as a secret agent, while Clunk is invited to a ‘unique business opportunity’ by a pair of rusted friends. Inevitably, things turn sour, and it’s all hands to the pumps as the good ship Spacejock springs leaks from stem to stern.
Big Bang
Series: Hal Spacejock. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 83,200. Language: English. Published: April 7, 2014. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » General
A house clearance job sounds like easy money, but rising floodwaters, an unstable landscape and a surprise find are going to make life very difficult for Hal and Clunk. Hal Spacejock 07 Big Bang is book seven in the Hal Spacejock series.
Safe Art
Series: Hal Spacejock, Book 6. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 69,950. Language: English. Published: May 20, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure, Fiction » Science fiction » General
(5.00 from 1 review)
A wealthy patron is sponsoring a series of art exhibitions, and Hal Spacejock has been employed to transport valuable pieces from one venue to the next. The only question is which of them will last longest ... Hal or the artworks? Safe Art is the sixth novel in the Hal Spacejock series.
The Gyris Mission
Series: Hal Junior, Book 3. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 33,360. Language: English. Published: September 17, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction, Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
(5.00 from 1 review)
Hal and Stinky are very excited about the camping trip to Planet Gyris ... imagine a whole week of fishing, swimming, sleeping in tents and running wild! Unfortunately, the boys crash land in the middle of a forest, and there's little chance of rescue. Is this the end of the camping trip ... or the start of a thrilling new adventure?
The Missing Case
Series: Hal Junior, Book 2. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 31,130. Language: English. Published: September 5, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction, Fiction » Science fiction » General
Space Station Oberon is expecting an important visitor, and everyone is on their best behaviour. Even Hal Junior is doing his best to stay out of trouble! From multi-coloured smoke bombs to exploding space rations, Hal Junior proves ... trouble is what he's best at!
Hal Spacejock (édition française)
Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 90,850. Language: French. Published: July 14, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Ça n'ennuie pas Hal Spacejock de naviguer vers une étoile non répertoriée, de se poser sur un terrain désert, d'esquiver la douane et de charger un fret douteux sous le couvert de l'obscurité. C'est un jour de travail comme un autre. Non, la vraie bataille commence quand le client envoie un pilote vétuste prendre les commandes du vaisseau chéri de Hal...
Baker's Dough
Series: Hal Spacejock, Book 5. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 62,350. Language: English. Published: July 5, 2012. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure, Fiction » Science fiction » General
(5.00 from 3 reviews)
Robots have a tough life in Hal Spacejock's universe: as second-class citizens they have no rights, and most are overworked, mistreated, and recycled at the drop of a hat. When Kim Baker, a wealthy industrialist, leaves his vast fortune to an elderly robot, it's front page news. Unfortunately, the robot hasn't been seen for decades ...
Yard Fail
Price: Free! Words: 3,390. Language: English. Published: November 16, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories
When Ralph Swindon tinkers in his workshop, the whole world holds its breath ... A 2700-word short story. Trivia: Features the characters from Sleight of Hand.
Sleight of Hand
Price: Free! Words: 8,840. Language: English. Published: November 16, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories
After a cosy meal, the protagonist retires to his host's workshop for an after-dinner drink ... and becomes the unwitting subject of an experiment. Trivia: Sleight of Hand won the 2001 Aurealis Award for Horror.
Thonn!
Price: Free! Words: 3,080. Language: English. Published: November 16, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Synopsis: Magick is banned in Thonn's world, outlawed after greedy and power-hungry wizards almost destroyed the entire planet. So imagine his surprise when he spies Eddie de Elder performing Magick spells! A 2500 word Fantasy/Comedy story
Updown
Price: Free! Words: 2,070. Language: English. Published: November 16, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories
Social services have come to take 10-year old Daniel away from his home and family, but his best friend Danny has other ideas ... A 1600 word Science Fiction story
Billy's Book
Price: Free! Words: 5,460. Language: English. Published: November 16, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » General, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Billy Crump is the local stable boy. Fed up with mucking out horses, he sneaks into the wizard's lab, concocts a potion using all the rare and expensive ingredients, and somehow ends up with a talking book. His first thought? Sell the book ... and say goodbye to horse muck forever! A 5000 word fantasy/comedy story
Off Course
Price: Free! Words: 2,010. Language: English. Published: November 16, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Sports, Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories
When you're on for a birdie, watch for aliens in the rough. A 1500 word SF/comedy/golf story
Catch of the Day
Price: Free! Words: 4,270. Language: English. Published: November 14, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Ken and Steve reluctantly give up their lawnmowing duties for a weekend of fishing, booze and male bonding. Unfortunately the fish aren't biting, supplies are running low and worst of all ... the beer just ran out. Then, without warning, an alien colony ship arrives in orbit, and that's when Ken's problems REALLY start. A 4000 word short story by the author of the Hal Spacejock series.
The Secret Signal
Series: Hal Junior, Book 1. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 25,880. Language: English. Published: September 18, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction, Fiction » Science fiction » General
(5.00 from 1 review)
Hal Junior lives aboard a futuristic space station. His mum is chief scientist, his dad cleans air filters and his best mate is Stephen 'Stinky' Binn. As for Hal ... he's a bit of a trouble magnet. He means well, but his wild schemes and crazy plans never turn out as expected! Hal Junior: The Secret Signal features mayhem and laughs, daring and intrigue ... plus a home-made space cannon!
No Free Lunch
Series: Hal Spacejock, Book 4. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 90,520. Language: English. Published: September 18, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » General, Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
Hal Spacejock is a loner, struggling to make his way in a huge, uncaring galaxy. His occasional brushes with the law have left him wary and suspicious of authority. The Peace Force is a proud and dedicated body of humans and robots who work together to solve crimes and keep the Galaxy safe. Now, one of them desperately needs the other.
Just Desserts
Series: Hal Spacejock, Book 3. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 79,030. Language: English. Published: September 18, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » General, Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
Planet Cathua has to go cap in hand to neighbouring systems, haggling and bartering for the very robots they used to be so famous for. One Cathuan patriot is determined to reverse this embarrassing situation. Trust Hal Spacejock to land in the middle of his sinister plot ...
Second Course
Series: Hal Spacejock, Book 2. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 81,210. Language: English. Published: September 17, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » General, Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
Rex Curtis is trying to save his freight company from bankruptcy, and the last thing he needs is a cheeky freelancer stealing his best customers. Hal Spacejock, cheeky freelancer, is fighting for survival in the cut-throat interstellar cargo business. The last thing he needs is a powerful enemy. Two headstrong men on a collision course, in a Galaxy barely room enough for one.
Framed
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 8,400. Language: English. Published: August 27, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories
(5.00 from 1 review)
A straightforward cargo delivery takes a left turn when Hal Spacejock gets sidetracked. But with 200 shares in a worthless company on offer, who wouldn't step into a makeshift teleporter which has already claimed one victim? Hal and Clunk, stars of the Hal Spacejock comedy series, feature in this short story. 'Framed' slots in any time after Second Course.
A Robot Named Clunk
Series: Hal Spacejock, Book 1. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 77,650. Language: English. Published: August 19, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » General, Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
(4.00 from 1 review)
Clunk's asked to perform a trivial little task while on his way to a refit: help a freelance pilot pick up some cargo. Unfortunately Hal Spacejock refuses to cede control of his ship to a mere robot. Worse, Hal's got 24 hours to pay off his debts or he'll lose his ship ... and his life. Will they still be wrestling over the controls when the deadline expires?
A Piece of the Action
Price: Free! Words: 9,150. Language: English. Published: March 4, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories, Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
(4.00 from 1 review)
Flat broke and stranded in a South American country, Ralph Gardiner is nursing a beer and contemplating the wreckage of his life. No money, no prospects, and worst of all ... the beer is warm. When a local businessman approaches him with a curious job offer, Ralph decides he has very little to lose ... 8000 Word Short Story.
The Desolator
Price: Free! Words: 6,210. Language: English. Published: March 4, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Fantasy » Short stories, Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Join Hurm, Runt and Father Mephistophiles as they struggle to save the hamlet of Yendour from a marauding dragon. Originally published in Andromeda Spaceways #6.
Loss Leader
Price: Free! Words: 9,290. Language: English. Published: March 4, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Science fiction » Short stories, Fiction » Science fiction » General
(4.33 from 3 reviews)
After many delays and last-minute setbacks, the first colony ship leaves planet Earth for a distant star. Join the crew as they discover all is not as it seems... Originally published in Andromeda Spaceways #3

Simon Haynes' tag cloud

adventure    ages 8 to 12    alien invasion    androids    assassins    australian    black hole    blokey tale    books for boys    box set    british    british humour    british spelling    camping    camping trip    cargo pilot    child narrator    collection    colony ship    comdie de sciencefiction    comedy    disaster    discworld    double cross    dragon    dragons    dumb humans    fantasy    far future    farmboy    female protagonist    first in a series    first person pov    fishing    future    future history    galactic civilization    galactic empire    game of thrones    getting your first draft    golf    hal spacejock    halfling    hhg    hhgttg    hitchhikers guide    how to write a novel    humor    humour    illustrated    intrigue    inventor    lhumour de sciencefiction    light science fiction    loner    magic    magick    medicinal purposes    mg    middle grade    middle grade comedy    middle grade humor    middle grade science fiction    middle grade sf    no sex    nouvelle robotique    novel    novella    omnibus    ongoing series    outback australia    parody    plotting your novel    police    police force    red dwarf    robot    robots    romaine    science fiction    science fiction humor    sciencefiction    scifi    scifi comedy    scifi humor    series    sf    sf comedy    sf humor    short story    space    space empire    space opera    space travel    spacejock    story    teleporters    thriller    violent robots    wizards    write a novel fast   

Smashwords book reviews by Simon Haynes

  • Opening Acts on Aug. 01, 2011
    (no rating)
    Thanks for the comment - the website has been fixed.