James F. Park


My name is James F. Park. It's not really it's just plain James Park. I don't have a middle name. I just stuck the F. in there to confuse you, only joking, well about the confusing part anyway. Sorry, sometimes my wicked Glaswegian sense of humour gets the better of me. If you really, really want to find out what the F. stands for then why not treat yourself to my wee book 'Aye, that'll be choclit', where all will be revealed (along with lots of other things).
I was born in Glasgow in 1948. The Gallowgate to be exact, which is almost the city centre, well, nearly the city centre and that makes me an extra special wee person, that's what my mammy used to say and mammy's are never wrong, are they?
I am very happily married to Ann, also a Glaswegian, or as I affectionately call her 'Babes' and we now live in dizzy heights of Kilmarnock, Ayrshire.
If I remember anything else I'll add it on later, oh and I'm also a S.A.D wee person (see 'Aye, that'll be choclit' for further details).
Oops, it's me again, the quick witted one with the weird and wonderful Glaswegian sense of humour, so I guess it must be later. Babes said I had to write some even more useless info about myself as she thinks the above is far too short.
So here goes.
As I've already mentioned I was born in Glasgow what seems like a very, very long time ago. A time before automatic washing machines, microwave ovens, colour television and motor cars with electronic ignition. It was a time when there were steam trains with their unique musky smell and tram cars, which still fascinate me, that trundled along Argyll St. in my fair city that took me to visit myGranny as a star struck six year old.
For me the day the trams stopped running was an unforgivable event but I suppose that's progress. In 1954, on a bitterly cold and snowy December morning with Dad John, a Glaswegian, Mum Mary, a Belfast lass (is it any wonder I'm a mixed up cookie) an older brother and sister we headed East almost in wagon train fashion to an unknown place called Garthamlock where I started my education in earnest.
Having successfully manoeuvred my way through primary school it was onwards and upwards to the Big school which I somehow managed to get through without getting into much bother or getting expelled (joking again, I was NEVER in trouble with the teachers, honest).
I left school at sixteen and entered the even dizzier and scarier heights of the workplace in 1964. I didn't leave so much as ran as fast as I could out the bloody building as I hated it with a vengeance. Looking back now I wish I hadn't because the workplace was and still is a very eventful place. Although I ran out of school I still managed to get the sort of education that meant I can read, write and spell. I can also count without using my fingers and toes (and other bits) and the use of a calculator.

The Calculator.

What an absolute horrible invention (that's just my opinion). It has taught the younger generation how not to use their brain when it comes to figuring out the answer to the simplest of equations. Go on, I dare you, ask someone who was educated in the last twenty years or so and see if they can tell you what 9 x 8 = without the help of said calculator, or do you need it? He who invented it should have been put in a sling and fired off to some far and distant planet never to be heard of again. But I digress, why did I start to write at such a late stage in life? Simply because I had nothing else to do, that's why. One day I thought, I think I'll write a wee book after all it can't be that hard, can it? Hmm, and so having mentioned this to some of my present and past workmates who all said, 'Can I be in your book, please Jimbo, can I be in your book,' I was more or less forced and I suppose encouraged into actually doing it. The result being 'Aye, That'll be Choclit.'
It's a collection, and I must admit, of funny Glaswegian type stories from 1941 through to 2007 and is definately one for adults only.
However those so called workmates who were not mentioned weren't too chuffed and so I promised them they would be in the next book and so transpired 'Jazzy and Tia's first adventure' and is dedicated to my two lovely granddaughters Jasmine and Tia. In this story Jazzy is confined to hospital having had an asthma attack and dreams of animals that have magical powers and so their adventures begin. Almost all of the main characters in this one are loosely based on my work colleagues and so far none of them have threatened actual bodily harm so that in itself must be a good thing. Well isn't it?
Next wee book up is 'Tammy the Tartan Haggis' which is a colouring in and story book with, ah you've guessed, a tartan theme, for younger children just learning to read and who love to colour in. This one is dedicated to my very dear friends The Galbraith family of Ayr, Scotland.
'The Destiny Diamond' is a short children's story about two intergalactic anti-terrorist agents called Patrick Plook and Wilfred Wart who are sent back in time to retrieve the diamond which was stolen by three aliens, the yellow terabytes. My thanks to Shellers for her input on this one.
My next wee effort is, 'AdamAnts colouring in and puzzle book for all ages,' and as the title suggests is a colouring in book with puzzles, jokes and easy arithmetical equations for everyone.
The Enchanted Forest of Aethelwine starts off with footballer Jimmy playing in a boys club cup final at Broadway the home of The Mighty Belfast Celtic but why was he transported back in time and will he return to fulfil his dream?
James and The Falcon budgie is the first in a series of James and.... children's books and is one of the first bedtime stories I made up for my son James and has been followed by James and The Porridgedragon and James and The Caterpillar Princess
The Winchester Dolphins and The Mystery of Winchester Hall is a good old fashioned mystery for young ladies but why would anyone want to steal an iPod and who is the mysterious stranger who has followed Matilda all the way from America to Scotland.

Where to buy in print


Another Black Dream
Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 39,610. Language: English. Published: June 13, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Horror » General
It's been twenty five years since Harry had his Black Dream so when the body of a once beautiful young woman turns up in the same distinct and horrifying condition as one of The Blue Flames victims he seeks out James, his boyhood friend, hoping for an explanation….this is the continuation from The Final Dream.
James and The Toothpaste Kitten
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 11,810. Language: English. Published: June 13, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction
'James and Katie got home just in time for supper,' began the young story teller, 'and after he did his usual chores and homework it was time for bed but james had a dream like no other because he dreamt of a kitten made of toothpaste.'
James and The Easter Bunny
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 11,240. Language: English. Published: June 13, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Family / General
James and Katie were on their way home when Katie asked James how many Easter eggs he would get next week as it had been ages since they had any decent chocolate. 'Don't know but I hope it's more than the one I got last year,' said James. 'That's because you spent most of the year being grounded and if it wasn't for your Aunt Jane you wouldn't have got any,' said Katie but what happened next?
James and The Magic Mirror
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 11,510. Language: English. Published: June 11, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Family / General, Fiction » Children’s books » Family / General
James, what will we do now that Cloe has gone back down underground to live happily ever after?’ asked Katie but before James had time to answer she added, ‘why don’t we go and have a rummage around in old Fred McDonald’s scrap yard, it’s been ages and ages since we did that and he’s bound to have some new stuff for us to play with.’ What will James and Katie get up to in their next adventure?
Rachelle's Adventure
Price: $1.25 USD. Words: 11,970. Language: English. Published: June 10, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction
'Mum, why is my Dad standing up there beside that podiminum?' asked wide eyed six year old Rachelle. Her Mum, Kris, smiled at her daughters attempt and said, 'it's podium sweetheart, it's podium, say podium.' 'I did say podiminum,' replied frustrated Rachelle, 'so why is he the only fireman up there?' Find out why Rachelle's Dad was standing in front of the podium in this delightful adventure.
James and The Caterpillar Princess
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 9,850. Language: English. Published: May 15, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction
‘Hey, watch it you, I was eating that.’ ‘Katie, please come over here at once because this daisy just spoke to me.’ ‘Hey, watch it you, I was eating that.’ ‘Katie, please come over here at once because this daisy just spoke to me.’ Find out what happens next in the third James and stories
James and The Porridgedragon
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 11,490. Language: English. Published: May 15, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction
‘Hello, please don’t be afraid but I’m not really a frog and if that young lady over there would care to give me a small peck on the cheek then I’ll…….’ Find out what happens next in the second book of James and……stories.
The Teeny Weenies
Price: $1.50 USD. Words: 18,230. Language: English. Published: May 15, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction
The Teeny Weenies have landed on earth earth in search of their father Dr. Spokk. Will they find him before Nicky shuts down and what is the mysterious shimmer that's followed them?
James F. Parks' Enchanted Forest of Aethelwine
Price: $2.80 USD. Words: 34,010. Language: English. Published: May 15, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction
Why was footballer Jimmy transported back in time to The Enchanted Forest and will he be able to return home in time to fulfil his dream.
Jazzy and Tia's First Adventure
Price: $3.25 USD. Words: 30,960. Language: English. Published: May 15, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction
Follow Jazzy and Tia on their first adventure through space and time as they try and save the slumbering effilumps from their eternal sleep.
James and The Falcon Budgie
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 10,640. Language: English. Published: May 13, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction
James looked at the wee bird and couldn't quite decide if it looked like a budgie or a falcon or if it was a boy or a girl because it was really, really ugly.
The Winchester Dolphins and The mystery of Winchester Hall
Price: $2.75 USD. Words: 33,090. Language: English. Published: May 13, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction
‘Watch where you’re putting your feet,’ cried Jasmine which was followed by, ‘Don’t you dare push me like that,’ from Rhianne. ‘Ouch! Who pulled my hair?’ moaned Lisa. ‘I never touched your hair, it wasn’t me,’ yelled Tia. So who was the mysterious stranger on the train and why would he want to steal an iPod with nursery rhymes on it.
Aye, that'll be choclit
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 26,520. Language: English. Published: May 12, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Biographical
Does life begin at 40? Of course not because if it did then your Mammy would have needed to have been as big as King Kong, an Alien or maybe even English. What's the book about? It's a collection of this wee Glaswegians funny stories from 1941 to 2007. If you're a Glaswegian then I hope they bring back some happy memories for you.
The Destiny Diamond
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 13,200. Language: English. Published: May 12, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Children’s books » Fiction
One eyed Patrick Plook and his trusty co-pilot Wilfred Wart are two intergalactic anti-terrorist agents of Scottish descent sent back in time to retrieve The Destiny Diamond stolen by the Yellow Terabytes. Can Michele and Michael help them recover the stone, if indeed that's what it really is, they so desperately seek, or will The Master be triumphant
The Final Dream
Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 60,360. Language: English. Published: May 10, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Action/Adventure
Are 'The Black Dreamz' finally over or is it just the beginning? Also contains explicit sexual scenes and language which may be offensive to some audiences and only suitable for adult readers over the age of eighteen.
More Black Dreamz
Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 62,860. Language: English. Published: May 9, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Suspense/Mystery
Will it be James or The Blue Flame who makes the first mistake in this tale of More Black Dreamz. Also contains explicit sexual scenes and language which may be offensive to some audiences and only suitable for adult readers over the age of eighteen.
Black Dreamz
Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 63,700. Language: English. Published: May 9, 2011. Categories: Fiction » Erotica » General
After rampaging through all the major states of America the sadistic and evil one has returned to his Glaswegian home to continue his life's long work. Reporter Jack Sinclair has followed him but will it be the intrepid D.S.Hall of the Elite Glasgow Crime Squad who finally puts an end to the serial killers reign of terror.

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