The Princess & the Penis

1 star1 star1 star1 star0.75 star Adult
A beautiful, chaste, and completely naive princess encounters a strange lump in her mattress. The lump soon morphs into a shape familiar to everyone but her, triggering her curiosity and her father's greatest fears. He frantically tries to intervene, but having a large phantom phallus in a curious maiden's bed is never a good combination.

Available formats: epub, mobi, pdf, rtf, lrf, pdb, txt

First 30% Sample: epub mobi (Kindle) lrf more read online
Published: Dec. 06, 2010
Words: 10,720
Language: English
ISBN: 9781452373300
About RJ Silver

My name is RJ. I’m a man who writes quirky romantic humor books. That alone should tell you that I'm psychologically imbalanced.

Most people ask me why I write. The answer is simple. Like most men, I get in a lot of trouble with the woman in my life. When she's really angry at me, and I'm hiding from her, writing is the one thing I can do that doesn't make any noise.

Also by This Author

Reviews

Review by: Kathy Davie on Nov. 18, 2011 : star star star star star
My Take
It's a parody of a fairytale of epic proportions---I'd give it a "7" if the ratings went that high. Silver puts all the fun into this fairytale with the innocent, loving, warm, and virginal daughter of the King of Westwich as she explodes the typical fairytale formula while poking fun at the birds and the...er...flies.

Crack me up! I love the bit where the Queen is explaining the enormity of the shapes in question and the king starts getting huffy about her never having experienced anything of such a size. Then she starts blathering about how there's different standards of ordinary, and , of course, he doesn't fit within those sorts of standards and…

Oh man, the scene where the Queen and the aunts explain the birds and the flies to Amalia.
" 'The reason you haven't seen it is because it hangs between a man's legs and is therefore concealed by his garments.'
'Well, most of the time,' said Aunt Ingrid. 'Though they do have a tendency to sneak out whenever they can.' "

Silver is a hoot! Then there's the bit about maybe the penis needs a kiss but Aunt Leila cautions her that if you kiss it once, it'll want kisses all the time.

The Story
Determined to keep his amazing and wonderful daughter chaste, the king has forbidden males in her presence and any discussion that remotely resembles sex or romance. Constantly surrounded by at least four guardsmen with three chaperons, it's a mystery how the princess keeps encountering this lump on her rump.

Meanwhile, rumors of this amazing and wonderful princess has spread far and wide and the proposals have been whittled down to one, Prince Rupert. Not your average fairytale prince, although, there is one lurking just under the covers.

The Cover
I can't get excited about the cover with its childish princess curled up in her bed clutching a green pillow in her pink nightgown although I do like the teeny crown on her head. The title is perfect for indeed this Princess and the Penis are what it's all about.
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: Kendra Edens on Oct. 28, 2011 : star star star star star
Please see Reader's Edyn 4 full review: http://bit.ly/utrncb

Review:

So I first saw this book … looked at the title … read said title again … looked at the cover art … and decided that this was probably an odd choice for me. However, a friend had tweeted that it could be downloaded for FREE at the time. We all know that FREE downloads are irresistible no matter how many books we have collecting dust in our Kindles (figuratively speaking of course) so I clicked, purchased, and promptly forgot about the story sitting in my e-reader. *head desk* I should have read it sooner!

Luckily an author and blogger I respect hosted an appearance by RJ Silver a couple of days ago. *waves* Thanks Joan! Silver supplied a code to allow readers to download the book for FREE when I was struck with an odd sense of déjà vu. Turns out I had already downloaded both of the books, but had forgotten about them. *Bad reading obsessed blogger!* So I am here today to tell you NOT to repeat my mistake! Download and read = GOOD! Download and forget = BAD! You all following still? Great!

So The Princess and the Penis is fun, quirky, crafty, hilarious, and even spreads an underlying message from within. A bit of a twisted version of The Princess and the Pea meets The Princess and the Frog. I am a sucker for puns and Silver did a wonderful job of pulling out some stellar double entendres. Many of the taboos of sex are hinted to with snarky humor provided by the two Aunts. One thing I appreciated was that the story is written in an non-offensive manner despite the subject matter. But beyond all of the gleeful dialogue and innuendos is the message to help others. Plainly obvious was the comparison between princes: one who had it all while plundering his subjects, despite their hardships, only to maintain his lifestyle of extravagance – the other imprisoned by another’s jealousy because he was both fortunate and blessed with compassion for others.

Those with delicate sensibilities may not appreciate the beauty of the snark within the story. But humor aside, Silver has a positive message to spread and does so in a creative and entertaining way without cramming anything down the reader’s throat. That alone deserves attention. The book is inexpensive and supports a good cause. Download it and read it, or buy it and gift it to a snarky friend who appreciates such witty absurdity. You are guaranteed a laugh if nothing else. And of you don’t laugh; well … I just don’t see how that would be possible.
(reviewed the day of purchase)

Review by: Miss I on Oct. 12, 2011 : star star star star star
It's definitely a classic in the making, I'm sure I'll be pushing this book on anyone who enjoys a good laugh. Well written, witty and such a lovely fairy tale based on a very strange premiss. The aunts are hilarious and the money made from the book reverts to good causes, what is there not to like? Buy it, you won't regret it! (Just don't read it in spaces where loud laughs are not welcome)
(reviewed the day of purchase)

Review by: apakuts on Oct. 07, 2011 : star star star star star
Hilarious !
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: Phyllis Zimbler Miller on Sep. 22, 2011 : star star star star star
I loved this story and I cried at the end (which is the standard by how I judge most fiction).

Very funny and true insights. And what I particularly liked was the agenda about helping others.
(reviewed the day of purchase)

Review by: Secret Narrative on Sep. 13, 2011 : star star star star star
A unique and beautifully written story. I enjoyed every word. :-) A lot of care has gone into creating this work, well crafted and a pleasure to read. I can’t believe that the author is offering titles of this calibre free.
(review of free book)

Review by: Celine Stewart on Sep. 02, 2011 : star star star star star
Fun, sweet and silly.
I Loved it!
(review of free book)

Review by: Kate Sterling on Aug. 28, 2011 : star star star star star
Excellent! Well written and very funny.
(review of free book)

Review by: Christina M. Grey on Aug. 26, 2011 : star star star star
This was awesome!! Funny, smart, interesting, and also such a great concept. So entertaining. Very well done. I seriously would read this to my daughter one day. If I have one.
(review of free book)

Review by: Jack Nothing on Aug. 21, 2011 : star star star star star
This must be one of the books I really liked. Not your bang, bang thrillers; or fake romances. !t really made me laugh. And if I laugh--as a humour writer myself--that book must have been good. Not only was it good, but inspiring. I've been inpired that I have decided to------------- WELL UNLESS YOU DONT VISIT ME AT www.jacknothing.wordpress.com I WONT TELL YOU.
(review of free book)

Review by: Joanna Heathers on Aug. 20, 2011 : star star star
it's not suited to my taste but I guess some people might find it humorous.
(review of free book)

Review by: Charlotte Steglich on Aug. 02, 2011 : star star star star star
So funny still laughing and so true. Love it!
(review of free book)

Review by: Becky Smith on July 30, 2011 : star star star
Not bad. An easy read with some funny moments.
(review of free book)

Review by: Amos T. Fairchild on July 22, 2011 : star star star star star
Blisteringly funny. A must read. Difficult to read aloud to others in any sort of continuous manner. Get your kindle to read it perhaps. Maybe it can do it without laughing.
(review of free book)

Review by: Destruction Productions on July 18, 2011 : star star star star star
This book was awesome. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
(review of free book)

Review by: Kim Leland on July 12, 2011 : star star star star star
Super funny, twisted little story. Wonderful! What a quirky imagination...
(review of free book)

Review by: LinaR on July 04, 2011 : star star star star
Ok I thought this was super funny!
(review of free book)

Review by: Carla Campbell on June 30, 2011 : star star star star star
I read this with my boyfriend and we couldn't stop laughing. (plus I got to make a whole lot of digs at him)
Loved the whole story - no criticism at all (which is a first for me)
(review of free book)

Review by: Alia Adam on June 08, 2011 : star star star star
I read this book whilst on holiday in Phuket - and it was a really, really quick read. I think it was like a mash up between Princess and the Pea and the Princess and the frog the way in turned out - nevertheless it was still funny in it's own unique way. Good for a laugh.
(review of free book)

Review by: Lori J Mitchell on May 30, 2011 : star star star star star
I literally laughed out loud so many times. The old aunts remind me of my own aunts. I love the twist on an old familiar story. Excellent job!
(review of free book)

Review by: Lindsay on May 28, 2011 : star star star star star
Title Thoughts: It so fits.

Cover Thoughts: I like it. It's as cute as the story.

WARNINGS: I just don't even know what to put. It's hilarious with it's sexual humor.

First, you are probably reading why in the world I am reading this. Well, I saw on Goodreads where someone added this to their to-read list. My curiosity as to what this book was about got the better of me. I read the synopsis and read the reviews. The reviews raved that this would make you laugh. The reviews themselves were making me laugh from where they talked about this book.

Then I discovered it was free on Smashwords and I headed over and bought it. I had spare time today and had a few minutes to myself. I remembered this book and read. It was everything I expected it to be.

I kept bursting out in laughter at the aunts' comments about the "lump". It was even funnier with the princess' confusion. Silver delivers a short but sweet story about a girl discovering "the frogs and the flies" by the way of a penis in her bed. It was hilarious to see her father's horror as she recounts how she got comfortable in her bed and got a good night's rest.

Addict's Last Words: In need of a laugh? Read this. There is no way, whatsoever, that you can not enjoy this book.

To Buy or To Borrow: Buy.
(review of free book)

Review by: E. M. Jenkinson on May 23, 2011 : star star star star
If it weren't for the reviews, I likely wouldn't have downloaded it. I'm always in the mood for a little bit of adult humor, but there's a fine line between humor and lemons. In this case, The Princess and the Penis is far from that line, weighing in heavily on the pure humor side of things. I sat here and giggled throughout most of the read. This is an amazing twist on the classic tale of The Princess and the Pea and is a definite must read for those seeking a light hearted adult material. And those aunts? They are amazing. A definite read! Great work!
(review of free book)

Review by: aly petersen on May 16, 2011 : star star star star star
Do NOT be put off by the title... This is a funny, hillarious, quick, ENTERTAINING read! It probably should be over 18, BUT nonetheless ISN'T the LEAST bit offensive... A fun read! I highly reccomend it!
(review of free book)

Review by: Trevene Hope on May 02, 2011 : star star star star star
I really enjoyed this. Very entertaining.
(review of free book)

Review by: Lisa Vandiver on May 01, 2011 : star star star star
It was funny, kind of silly, but captivating! I found myself anxious to find out more about the penis.
(review of free book)

Review by: G. C. on May 01, 2011 : star star star star
What a hilarious, adult "fairy tale"! It's a quick read and I actually found myself laughing a lot, especially from the conversations involving the two aunts. Go ahead and grab this--this is definitely an adult themed book though because it talks about sex and body parts, but in a clever way.
(review of free book)

Review by: thylogale on April 24, 2011 : star star star star
Simplistic story, but therein lies its charm. Worth a read.
(review of free book)

Review by: Cecilia Brown on April 19, 2011 : star star star star star
Absolutely the most entertaining retelling of a classic fairy tale I've ever read! I'd say it would be a good read for a mature teen, or an adult in touch with their inner child!
(review of free book)

Review by: Merrill Gemus on April 08, 2011 : star star star star
Funny and entertaining read.
(review of free book)

Review by: Lisa Craig on April 02, 2011 : star star star star star
Such a cute story. Had me giggling the whole time.
(review of free book)

Review by: Soleil Brando on March 30, 2011 : star star star star star
What a great story! I had to hold my laughter many times so that I wouldn't wake my boyfriend! Thank you for such a good fairytale and a good laugh!
(review of free book)

Review by: Susie Kelly on March 25, 2011 : star star star star star
Very funny, a charming little story. Adult humour without being pornographic. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
(review of free book)

Review by: Cloud Buchholz on March 24, 2011 : star star star star star
Great humor and style. Penthouse meets Disney. It’s worth a read.
(review of free book)

Review by: Ernest Winchester on March 22, 2011 : star star star star star
I lost track of the number of times I laughed out loud reading this very funny fractured fairytale. I recommend it for anyone who needs a lift.
(review of free book)

Review by: David Bruce on March 15, 2011 : star star star star star
RJ Silver is a talented writer. He has a light touch and does not write actual pornography, but rather somewhat naughty fairytales.
(review of free book)

Review by: fiskani nyirenda on March 15, 2011 : (no rating)
Totally one for the looney bin! I LOVED IT!!
(review of free book)

Review by: Fretta Inman on March 10, 2011 : star star star star star
I love this book! I could not put it down. Laughed out loud many times. This book should be on the best sellers list. Can't wait to read the other books by this author.
(review of free book)

Review by: Beth Thornstrom on March 09, 2011 : star star star star star
I really enjoyed this story, my husband even read it and I caught him laughing! I actually stayed awake through out the entire story,which is very rare, I give it a 5 star rating for sure!
To the author- keep them coming, maybe do goldilocks and the three orgasms or something, ;)
(review of free book)

Review by: Esmerelda Bishop on March 07, 2011 : star star star star star
Fantastic! Seriously. Download this one. If you have any kind of sense of humor, you will love this!
(review of free book)

Review by: Abigail on March 06, 2011 : star star star star
Cute and very quick read.
(review of free book)

Review by: Liz Velez on Feb. 17, 2011 : star star star star star
I absolutely loved it. It's sort of an erotic twisted fairy tale. A definite must read!
(review of free book)

Review by: Jessica Centeno on Jan. 22, 2011 : star star star star star
Very funny!! Could not stop reading.. The perfect fairtale for grown ups
(review of free book)

Review by: Courtney Davis on Jan. 17, 2011 : star star star star star
Highly entertaining and hilarious! I couldn't stop reading!
(review of free book)

Review by: Cat L on Jan. 17, 2011 : star star star star star
Really funny and well written. Had me laughing like a nutcase. It's a fairy tale for grown ups...or immature adults.
Really very good ;-)
(review of free book)

Review by: Alexander Stone on Jan. 16, 2011 : star star star star star
wonderful humorous story i was smiling from the start to end..
(review of free book)

Review by: kanchan malik on Jan. 15, 2011 : star star star star star
Amazing.wonderful story.most funniest I have ever had..:)
(review of free book)

Review by: brenda shepherd on Jan. 12, 2011 : star star star star star
Great read. Thoroughly enjoyed it and found it very funny from start to finish. Will recommend to my friends. Well done R J Silver !
(review of free book)

Review by: Linora Siroa on Jan. 09, 2011 : star star star star star
This is a hilarious read - took me about 15 mins to read! No point in writing about the storyline, itd be quicker to read the book yourself!! Highly recommended!
(review of free book)

Review by: Joanna W on Jan. 03, 2011 : star star star star star
Hilarious! This was one of the funniest things I've read in a long while. I look forward to reading more by this author.

A great introduction to Smashwords!
(review of free book)

Review by: Emily Andersson on Jan. 01, 2011 : star star star star star
What a wonderful, funny book! couldn't stop laughing! loved it from beginning to end!
(review of free book)

Review by: Rey mos on Dec. 26, 2010 : star star star star star
I was laughing from beginning to end. This is one of the best short stories Ive read and highly-recommended to other book lovers. With a slice of Frog Prince's story and a twist at the end, the story is funny and hilarious for young and old! Congratulations and looking forward to other stories!
(review of free book)

Review by: Two Monsters on Dec. 17, 2010 : star star star star star
Very funny/good story. Title could have been different, but the story was sound. Mix between a good fairytale with the known coming and a cute story of a pretty girl who has been overly protected all her life.
Can't wait to read more from this author.
(review of free book)

Review by: Taruna Lamba on Dec. 06, 2010 : star star star star star
Name is a bit awkward otherwise story is loaded, the conversation between two aunts. king queen and every rxn of every one sound like a screenplay in being played. new experiment in fairy tale, i m sure no one would have thut about it....funny........must read for every one
(review of free book)

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