The Princess & the Penis

Rated 4.76/5 based on 54 reviews
A beautiful, chaste, and completely naive princess encounters a strange lump in her mattress. The lump soon morphs into a shape familiar to everyone but her, triggering her curiosity and her father's greatest fears. He frantically tries to intervene, but having a large phantom phallus in a curious maiden's bed is never a good combination.
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About RJ Silver

My name is RJ. I’m a man who writes quirky romantic humor books. That alone should tell you that I'm psychologically imbalanced.

Most people ask me why I write. The answer is simple. Like most men, I get in a lot of trouble with the woman in my life. When she's really angry at me, and I'm hiding from her, writing is the one thing I can do that doesn't make any noise.

Learn more about RJ Silver

Also by This Author


Robin Bell reviewed on on Sep. 2, 2019

Well written and fun to read.
(review of free book)
Michael Woods reviewed on on Oct. 30, 2018

A wonderful and humorous story. Silly, yes. A bit of a simple moral, sure... but well written and a good jaunty tale.
(review of free book)
Kathy Davie reviewed on on Nov. 18, 2011

My Take
It's a parody of a fairytale of epic proportions---I'd give it a "7" if the ratings went that high. Silver puts all the fun into this fairytale with the innocent, loving, warm, and virginal daughter of the King of Westwich as she explodes the typical fairytale formula while poking fun at the birds and

Crack me up! I love the bit where the Queen is explaining the enormity of the shapes in question and the king starts getting huffy about her never having experienced anything of such a size. Then she starts blathering about how there's different standards of ordinary, and , of course, he doesn't fit within those sorts of standards and…

Oh man, the scene where the Queen and the aunts explain the birds and the flies to Amalia.
" 'The reason you haven't seen it is because it hangs between a man's legs and is therefore concealed by his garments.'
'Well, most of the time,' said Aunt Ingrid. 'Though they do have a tendency to sneak out whenever they can.' "

Silver is a hoot! Then there's the bit about maybe the penis needs a kiss but Aunt Leila cautions her that if you kiss it once, it'll want kisses all the time.

The Story
Determined to keep his amazing and wonderful daughter chaste, the king has forbidden males in her presence and any discussion that remotely resembles sex or romance. Constantly surrounded by at least four guardsmen with three chaperons, it's a mystery how the princess keeps encountering this lump on her rump.

Meanwhile, rumors of this amazing and wonderful princess has spread far and wide and the proposals have been whittled down to one, Prince Rupert. Not your average fairytale prince, although, there is one lurking just under the covers.

The Cover
I can't get excited about the cover with its childish princess curled up in her bed clutching a green pillow in her pink nightgown although I do like the teeny crown on her head. The title is perfect for indeed this Princess and the Penis are what it's all about.
(reviewed 22 days after purchase)
Kendra Edens reviewed on on Oct. 28, 2011

Please see Reader's Edyn 4 full review:


So I first saw this book … looked at the title … read said title again … looked at the cover art … and decided that this was probably an odd choice for me. However, a friend had tweeted that it could be downloaded for FREE at the time. We all know that FREE downloads are irresistible no matter how many books we have collecting dust in our Kindles (figuratively speaking of course) so I clicked, purchased, and promptly forgot about the story sitting in my e-reader. *head desk* I should have read it sooner!

Luckily an author and blogger I respect hosted an appearance by RJ Silver a couple of days ago. *waves* Thanks Joan! Silver supplied a code to allow readers to download the book for FREE when I was struck with an odd sense of déjà vu. Turns out I had already downloaded both of the books, but had forgotten about them. *Bad reading obsessed blogger!* So I am here today to tell you NOT to repeat my mistake! Download and read = GOOD! Download and forget = BAD! You all following still? Great!

So The Princess and the Penis is fun, quirky, crafty, hilarious, and even spreads an underlying message from within. A bit of a twisted version of The Princess and the Pea meets The Princess and the Frog. I am a sucker for puns and Silver did a wonderful job of pulling out some stellar double entendres. Many of the taboos of sex are hinted to with snarky humor provided by the two Aunts. One thing I appreciated was that the story is written in an non-offensive manner despite the subject matter. But beyond all of the gleeful dialogue and innuendos is the message to help others. Plainly obvious was the comparison between princes: one who had it all while plundering his subjects, despite their hardships, only to maintain his lifestyle of extravagance – the other imprisoned by another’s jealousy because he was both fortunate and blessed with compassion for others.

Those with delicate sensibilities may not appreciate the beauty of the snark within the story. But humor aside, Silver has a positive message to spread and does so in a creative and entertaining way without cramming anything down the reader’s throat. That alone deserves attention. The book is inexpensive and supports a good cause. Download it and read it, or buy it and gift it to a snarky friend who appreciates such witty absurdity. You are guaranteed a laugh if nothing else. And of you don’t laugh; well … I just don’t see how that would be possible.
(reviewed the day of purchase)
Miss I reviewed on on Oct. 12, 2011

It's definitely a classic in the making, I'm sure I'll be pushing this book on anyone who enjoys a good laugh. Well written, witty and such a lovely fairy tale based on a very strange premiss. The aunts are hilarious and the money made from the book reverts to good causes, what is there not to like? Buy it, you won't regret it! (Just don't read it in spaces where loud laughs are not welcome)
(reviewed the day of purchase)
apakuts reviewed on on Oct. 7, 2011

Hilarious !
(reviewed 22 days after purchase)
Phyllis Zimbler Miller reviewed on on Sep. 22, 2011

I loved this story and I cried at the end (which is the standard by how I judge most fiction).

Very funny and true insights. And what I particularly liked was the agenda about helping others.
(reviewed the day of purchase)
Secret Narrative reviewed on on Sep. 13, 2011

A unique and beautifully written story. I enjoyed every word. :-) A lot of care has gone into creating this work, well crafted and a pleasure to read. I can’t believe that the author is offering titles of this calibre free.
(review of free book)
Celine Stewart reviewed on on Sep. 2, 2011

Fun, sweet and silly.
I Loved it!
(review of free book)
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