There are quite a lot of grammatical and punctuation errors in this piece, and wrong words used (eg 'were' instead of 'where' and 'off' instead of 'of'), all of which is distracting and undermines any enjoyment of the story. An even bigger fault for me was the writer neglecting to actually describe the settings to the reader. The first scene, for example, makes a references to a thorn, a village, an old water mill, fields and an estate, and from that the reader is supposed to somehow work out what environment the characters are interacting within. And this neglect goes on for scene after scene with precious little information offered as to backdrop for this story. When things do get a mention, it is a token throwaway reference which offers little: a 'stately home', or 'fields', or 'a wall'. Is this a new wall or an old wall, a brick wall or a stone wall, a long wall, high wall, does it have graffiti on it, are there holes in it that allow people to peep through?? Just describing it as 'a wall' is of practically no assistance to the reader. I couldn't tell you much about what the various characters are wearing, either. And yet towards the end when there's a build-up to Constance's and Percy's union, there is a more rewarding descriptive passage, so the writer is certainly capable of it when she tries.
I'm rarely keen on the use of an omniscient viewpoint, something which is deployed in this tale, and the ending seemed a little rushed with a paragraph present that sticks out like a sore thumb because it is neatly explains everything - I'd have preferred the answers to arise from the experiences of the characters than by means of a quick dump of information.
All of the above is a great shame because the actual story idea is very good, the intrigue and suspense building nicely as the plot develops. Great potential, much of it squandered.
(review of free book)