The Horny Teddy Bear
A package with no return address, a tiny teddy bear, and an anonymous note with the word “enjoy” inscribed upon it. What do all these things have in common? They will all lead to the single most intense sexual encounter of my entire life. The question is not: Will the teddy bear grow to a hundred times its size and come to life? It’s: Will I let him make love to me? More
A package with no return address, a tiny teddy bear, and an anonymous note with the word “enjoy” inscribed upon it. What do all these things have in common? They will all lead to the single most intense sexual encounter of my entire life. The question is not: Will the teddy bear grow to a hundred times its size and come to life? It’s: Will I let him make love to me?
Excerpt from The Horny Teddy Bear:
I was expecting heavy resistance. What I got was a complete and utter lack of opposition. In fact, I pulled with such intensity that I lost my balance and tumbled backward, the seemingly empty box toppling onto me.
“Dammit!” I muttered as I forced myself to my feet. I righted the box and, lifting it with ease, carried it into the house.
“Why would someone send me an empty box?” I wondered. But then I shook it, and I realized it wasn’t empty. It was merely far too massive for whatever small item it contained. Curious, I retrieved a knife from the kitchen and sliced through the packing tape.
The box was filled with foam peanuts. I started digging through it, but it quickly became evident that locating whatever item the foam was protecting would take forever. I thus decided to speed things up by tipping over the box and dumping its contents onto the floor. It was a messy, yet speedy strategy. Within seconds, I had located the item.
It was a teddy bear. That in itself was weird, but the fact that it was no bigger than my hand made it even odder. Why would someone send me a tiny teddy bear? Tomorrow was my birthday, but who would go through the trouble so sending me a stuffed toy?
I was asking myself that very question when I noticed the envelope. It was no bigger than the bear it came with and was devoid of all writing. Luckily, the miniature letter is contained wasn’t.
That was all it said. Now more confused than ever, I did a quick scan of my surroundings. Unfortunately, the box lacked a return address, and only the small bear and the equally diminutive letter had been included in the package. That is, aside from the thousands of foam peanuts that now littered the floor.
Perhaps upending the box hadn’t been such a good idea after all. But the harm was done, and all I could do now was clean up the mess. It took a while, but I finally managed to return every last piece of packing foam to the box and carried it out to the curb for recycling. I then returned to the living room and finished what I had begun.
More than once I felt as though the tiny teddy bear was staring at me, yet I still managed to reach climax. Twice. Once my sexual endeavor was complete, I went about my business and forgot all about the stuffed animal until moments before I went to bed.
“That’s weird,” I muttered as I entered my bedroom. I had left the bear on the living room table, yet he now stood on my nightstand, propped up against my reading lamp. While this seemed quite odd, I merely assumed I had moved him and forgotten and went about my bedtime rituals. By the time I was naked and beneath the covers, I had come up with a name for my new friend.
“Teddy,” I said as I retrieved the small animal. “That’s your name.” He didn’t answer, which was good because I’m pretty sure I would have screamed and woken up my neighbors.
I placed Teddy on one of my pillows and rested my head upon the other.
“Goodnight,” I said as I turned off the light. Within seconds I was asleep.
I’m not sure how long I slept. All I know is that I awoke to the most unexpected feeling in the world. Not only was I aroused beyond repair, but something large and covered in soft fur was between my legs. There was also something long and wet pressed against one of the most private parts of my anatomy. At least now I knew why I was so horny. The only thing I couldn’t figure out was: What was it?
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