Interview with Peter Bandrowsky

Hey Peter, what's up? How are you feeling about this interview?
To be honest, I feel pretty weird about this interview, probably because it's literally an interview with myself as I'm writing both the questions and answers. It's pretty strange; I don't know how I feel about this.
That's too bad. If it makes it easier, are there any particular questions you want me to ask you?
Not really, to be honest. Like, I'm sure if I was a smart marketer I'd expertly craft this interview where it would show that I'm a well-read, creative, intelligent young man who's familiar enough that you're not scared away but has some unique new trait that makes him exciting and worth buying his book.

But I really don't know how to do that.
Well, the site here suggests that you should ask yourself what your five favorite books are. So, what are your five favorite books?
Well, here's the thing... I don't really pick favorites. Not of books, movies, colors, ice cream flavors, soy sauce brands; anything.

You see, on the first day of the third grade, my teacher handed me this assignment with 50 "What are your favorite ___?" questions. Everything from your favorite sports team to author to actor to cartoon to whatever else you could imagine. I really didn't want to fill out the assignment, because it seemed (and was) stupid, so on every single line I wrote "I do not pick favorites." The teacher asked me about it, and I told her that I just don't pick favorites of anything. She couldn't punish me for not having favorites, so I got a perfect score on the assignment. However, I had to keep refusing to pick favorites so my teacher wouldn't catch on that I just didn't want to do her dumb worksheet, and eventually I just forced the "no-favorites" mentality onto myself, where it's stuck ever since.
Well, that seems dumb. What kind of stuff do you write about?
Pretty much whatever I feel like. I write a lot of short stories, some satire, some poetry, some random prose, some I guess experimental stuff. Pretty much whatever comes to my head.
Oh c'mon, that's the lamest answer I've ever read. You gotta do better than that.
I don't know, I really don't like talking about myself that much. Most of my writing generally deals with either really absurdist-type humor, like my short story "Romantic Like a...," or more restrained prose that tries to capture unique feelings/emotions, like in "Please Just Be Late." While I generally write in these genres separately, occasionally I'll work in a middle ground, where the strategy is to use the humor almost as a softener from what are often uncomfortable emotions to deal with/acknowledge (Ex. "Agent Pratt").

P.S. All of these stories can be found in my collection "Coffee Money."
Well, now I know why you don't like talking about yourself. That was really boring. Is there anything exciting you can say?
I mean, I'm sure there is, but I'm really getting tired of writing my own interview and I still haven't figured out how I want to market my brand yet, or whatever that's supposed to mean, so can we just wrap this up?
Wow, you really suck. You're never gonna become a famous writer like that.
Hey, who asked you, huh? You know, you really suck as an interviewer...
Hey, you agreed to this interview! If anything, you should be thanking me for this opportunity!
Well, thank you very much! There, happy?
No. No, I am not.
Hey, I'm sorry man. Listen, this whole interview has gotten pretty wack. Maybe we should just shake hands and forget this ever happened?
Yeah, that's a good idea. *shakes hand*
*shakes hand*
Published 2016-06-15.
Smashwords Interviews are created by the profiled author, publisher or reader.

Books by This Author

Coffee Money
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 20,600. Language: English. Published: June 24, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Anthologies » Short stories - single author, Fiction » Anthologies » Flash fiction
A man whose love of bizarre analogies threatens his perfect love life. A mother struggling to connect with her daughter and explain the necessities of eating cheese to prevent vampire attacks. These are just a few of the 30 strange stories found in Coffee Money, the debut collection of writer Peter Bandrowsky, which combines humor and emotion to create a truly unique collection.