Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter

Rated 4.50/5 based on 16 reviews
Sarah Palin vs. Vampires! Vampire hunter Palin and her team visit Twinkle, Oregon a tiny town with a big vampire problem. For teenage Stella and her undead boyfriend Edmund (not to mention werewolf Jake) life--and unlife--will never be the same! A madcap mix of humor, horror, and wild guns-blazing vampire-fighting action! More

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Published by Trove Books
Words: 15,900
Language: English
ISBN: 9781452331911
About Dan McGirt

Dan McGirt is the author of the Jason Cosmo fantasy adventure series, the Jack Scarlet action-adventure series, Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter and assorted other tales, some sordid, most not. His most recent release is Magicka: The Ninth Element, a tale of wizards set in the world of the Paradox Interactive game Magicka.

When not writing, Dan enjoys whitewater kayaking, long walks in the forest, and building homemade time machines.

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Reviews

Review by: Nenia Campbell on July 19, 2014 :
I got SARAH PALIN: VAMPIRE HUNTER for free from Smashwords. Like many others who read this book, I was hooked by the title and the exciting premise: what if Sarah Palin was a vampire hunter, and she decided to "end" a parody of Edward Cullen...and Bella Swan got M-A-D?



Unfortunately, SARAH PALIN does not live up to what it promises. The portrayal of Sarah Palin is quite good--the author clearly has an ear for her odd mannerisms and country soccer mom sayings--but as a parody of Twilight, it falls flat.



Part of the problem is that the book is just too damn short. NIGHTLIGHT is about as short as a successful parody can get, clocking in at around 154 pages. As with other books, you need to set the stage in parodies, and provide yourself with adequate space to navigate through your parodying plotline.



The best parody I've read was lampooning THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO. It's called, THE GIRL WITH THE STURGEON TATTOO and it's bloody brilliant.



Points for this book are:

-A shoot-em-up scene in Walmart

-Palin giving Bella Swan dating advice

-All the Cullens get killed

-Bella becomes a murderous goth



The ending leaves it open for a sequel, too...



1.5 stars.
(reviewed long after purchase)

Review by: Qhaddafy on March 25, 2012 :
It has potential, despite that vampires and their hunters are 'everywhere'.

Could use a sequel or two, preferably much longer ones, with a lot more fighting, a little more background stories stories, MUCH stronger adversaries, more dramas, and all. You see, the vampires, which were supposed to be immortal, were slaughtered like pigs .
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: Carol on April 13, 2011 :
What a blast! A really fun read.
(reviewed long after purchase)

Review by: Tami Jackson on Jan. 22, 2011 :
REVIEW OF: "Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter" by Dan McGirt (eBook - 52 pages) perfectly priced for this very short novella: $1.99

If you have ever laughed at photos posted on the Internet, where Walmart shoppers shamelessly wield their plumber's cracks, then you'll feel intrigued by this book's somewhat impious humor (in spite of yourself). Go ahead. GUFFAW when Sarah Palin shows up to make everyone go "crazy stupid" as she shoots vampires, and the town mayor, in the head. Whether you like her or not - you'll recognize her tone because McGirt recreates her speaking-habits so perfectly you'll swear Sarah is reading her dialog out loud to you.

"Okay, I see by your faces some of you are shocked by my statement. And some of you, I just betcha, are only pretending to be shocked. Shame on you!” Said Sarah, at a town meeting, where she addressed the "good people" of Twinkle, Oregon, about the infestation of supernatural monsters.

“Do you know what a ghoul is?” (Palin had asked the mayor, earlier)
“What?”
“There are several meanings of the word. You’ve got your desert demons and your Massachusetts corpse-eaters. But some people apply the term to living human beings placed under the control or direction of a vampire. Isn’t that the darndest thing?”

WHY I LIKED THIS BOOK
* Beyond the hilarious dialog, Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter is loaded with comical conspiracy theories. (For example: one suggests the Xbox was designed to make "easier chewing for the zombies.")
* Lots of "suitable" double meanings such as when "Palin blasted her way through Swimwear" (in reference to the athletic department, not necessarily referring to her ability to annihilate bathing-wear itself).

PET PEEVES AND ANNOYANCES:
* Author consistently ends questions in dialog with "said" instead of the more appropriate "asked" or "queried."
* Proper names such as "Axel" and "Gogo" are not capitalized. These peeves were not even a speed bump for me, however, as the entire manuscript was so perfectly written otherwise.

RATING: FIVE STARS for rapt attention maintained all the way through. It's a fast and curiously fun read.

(I purchased this book)
~ Tami Jackson
author of: Ravena & The Resurrected
(reviewed the day of purchase)

Review by: Tami Jackson on Jan. 22, 2011 :
REVIEW OF: Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter by Dan McGirt (eBook - 52 pages) perfectly priced for this very short novella: $1.99

If you have ever laughed at photos posted on the Internet, where Walmart shoppers shamelessly wield their plumber's cracks, then you'll feel intrigued by this book's somewhat impious humor (in spite of yourself). Go ahead. GUFFAW when Sarah Palin shows up to make everyone go "crazy stupid" as she shoots vampires, and the town mayor, in the head.

Whether you like her or not - you'll recognize her tone because McGirt recreates her speaking-habits so perfectly you'll swear Sarah is reading her dialog out loud to you.

"Okay, I see by your faces some of you are shocked by my statement. And some of you, I just betcha, are only pretending to be shocked. Shame on you!” Said Sarah, at a town meeting, where she addressed the "good people" of Twinkle, Oregon, about the infestation of supernatural monsters.

“Do you know what a ghoul is?” (Palin had asked the mayor, earlier)
“What?”
“There are several meanings of the word. You’ve got your desert demons and your Massachusetts corpse-eaters. But some people apply the term to living human beings placed under the control or direction of a vampire. Isn’t that the darndest thing?”

WHY I LIKED THIS BOOK
* Beyond the hilarious dialog, "Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter" is loaded with comical conspiracy theories. (For example: one suggests the Xbox was designed to make "easier chewing for the zombies.")
* Lots of "suitable" double meanings such as when "Palin blasted her way through Swimwear" (in reference to the athletic department, not necessarily referring to her ability to annihilate bathing-wear itself).

PET PEEVES AND ANNOYANCES:
* Author consistently ends questions in dialog with "said" instead of the more appropriate "asked" or "queried."
* Proper names such as "Axel" and "Gogo" are not capitalized. These peeves were not even a speed bump for me, however, as the entire manuscript was so perfectly written otherwise.


RATING: FIVE STARS for rapt attention maintained all the way through. It's a fast and curiously fun read.
(reviewed the day of purchase)

Review by: GraceKrispy on July 27, 2010 :
As this was titled "Twinkle" on my ereader, it took me a page to figure out what was going on there! It's Sarah Palin, vampire hunter!

This short story was silliness and fun all rolled into one rather absurd package. It's a nice parody on the "Twilight" books with a silly twist. Fun read!
(review of free book)

Review by: bullock on June 06, 2010 :
Greatest. Book. Ever.

An absolutely inspired and genuinely funny parody of the bizarrely popular Twilight series and modern media culture. I'm really looking forward to reading some more of Dan McGirt's stories.
(review of free book)

Review by: Blue Tyson on April 18, 2010 :
A very funny spoof. Well done.
(review of free book)

Review by: Wayne Watson on April 12, 2010 :
Dreck, but FUNNY dreck!
(review of free book)

Review by: Doug Pardee on April 11, 2010 :
A humorous story that's actually funny! What will they think of next?

Not only that, but it's well-written and well-edited.

Oh, and you don't need to be a Twilight fan to enjoy this story. I don't know anything more about Twilight than I've seen on TV when people talked about it, and that was plenty.
(review of free book)

Review by: Chicory Ng on April 04, 2010 :
Fun and unexpected.
(review of free book)

Review by: Melissa Summers on March 25, 2010 :
An enjoyable escape from reality began at the first paragraph. Good fun, great read!
(review of free book)

Review by: Josh Smith on March 16, 2010 :
I wasn't sure what to expect when I stumbled upon this, but I was very pleasantly surprised. "Twinkle" was hilarious and well worth the short amount of time it took to read it. My only complaint was that the ending seemed a bit abrupt, but putting that aside, a great, fun, quick read.
(review of free book)

Review by: T. Shatzel on March 04, 2010 :
A hilarious romp through the "steamy underbrush" of current pop culture! Well done!
(review of free book)

Review by: MT Murphy on March 04, 2010 :
Stella and Edmund share a love like no other. Neither an ancient curse nor the painful transition from adolescence to adulthood can quell their passion. Time has finally come for these lovers to cast off the conventions of their respective cultures and be together forever.
Before they can begin their new life of bliss an unwelcome outsider alters their course. In the midst of tragedy an ancient evil stirs, threatening to destroy the quiet town of Twinkle.

Can Stella overcome her fear and become a heroine with the help of a rogue warrior? Will the town of Twinkle crumble or triumph in the face of damnation?

How does that summary grab you?

Is your BS-o-meter going off yet? I hope it is.

Twinkle by Dan McGirt is satire at its best, folks. If you can read through the first three pages without laughing hard enough to cause internal bleeding and/or soil yourself, you should probably stop there. With approximately 16,000 words, it is well worth the small time investment it takes to read through to the end.

McGirt takes on a host of pop culture topics with the kid gloves left in their proper place: on the shelf. The angsty vampire genre receives a ten pound monkey wrench to the gut with hilarious results.

If you have no sense of humor DO NOT READ THIS BOOK.

If you believe politicians truly have our best interests at heart DO NOT READ THIS BOOK.

If you have a weak bladder DO NOT READ THIS BOOK.

If the thought of ridiculously good looking vampire and werewolf kids meeting untimely and unsavory ends bothers you in the least DO NOT READ THIS BOOK.

On the other hand, if you can appreciate a satirical look at the things and people over which we tend to obsess these days, then you might just enjoy Dan McGirt’s foray into the absurd.

Twinkle is easily worth a thousand times the $0 I paid for it.

~MT Murphy
(review of free book)

Review by: Ommadawn on March 02, 2010 :
A hoot of a read, Dan. I wasn't sure what to expect, and I wasn't disappointed from Twinkle. If you don't mind a (not so) gentle poke at some of the current vamp romance hype, you'll enjoy this story.

Your choice of a main character was inspired!
(review of free book)

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