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Healthy or Else
Ebook By A.B.R.Rating:
(4) Published: Jun. 18, 2010
Category: Fiction » Literature » Science fiction - short stories
Words: 5129 (approximate)
Language: English
Ebook Description
A speculative satire about the health care industries assuming dictatorial powers in a recognizable near future society. Healthy or Else tells the story of one family's brush with the health care regime and what happens to these good people. The trends are in play; the future may not be as far away as you think.Tags
future government, future society, medical story, near term future, obesity, rules and regulations, satire, satire ebook, social satire, speculative, speculative fiction, vancouverAvailable Ebook reading formats:
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Reviews
Log-in to write a Review Log-in to add a Video ReviewReview by: Francis Porretto on Jun. 21, 2010 :
This is a good, solid story about an important subject. A wag whose name I've forgotten once said something along these lines: When we were a young species, we killed for political and religious reasons. Then we matured a bit, grew wealthy, and began to kill for economic reasons. But now that we're fully mature, and have realized that health is the only thing that matters, we kill for therapeutic reasons.
Though I usually dislike stories told in present tense, I think your choice of present tense suited this tale quite well. It enhanced the immediacy of the thing, which, when coupled to good narrative timing, amplifies the emotional impact of a story.
I have one substantive criticism: a cautionary story of this sort tends to be more effective the gentler it is. If, rather than tackling the horror in its depths, you depict the inception of the thing feared, when unease is the dominant reaction, you avoid the "it can't happen here" reaction that blunts many otherwise fine pieces of cautionary fiction. Indeed, one of the most important cautionary books ever written, Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged," lost impact to exactly that effect in the mind of many a reader. You've told a plausible tale, but at a couple of points it edged over into the heavy-handed, precisely because you put your characters into "the belly of the beast." Keep this in mind for future cautionary works.
A few minor nitpicks:
1. Stabilize the spelling of "dessert." Two "s's" make it the sweet dish consumed at the close of a meal; one "s" makes it an arid region that gets little rainfall. Also, there's a "2,0000" where you meant "2,000." Not a terribly big deal, but in a short story every character counts.
2. Among the most commonly confused words are "your" and "you're." The first is the possessive of "you." The second is the contraction of "you are."
3. Your dialogue is generally good, but your employment of commas is a little irregular. Commas in dialogue are indications of speech rhythm. Use them wherever the speaker might pause, whether for emphasis or for breath. (On the other hand, congratulations for demonstrating the proper use of the semicolon.)
On balance, well done!