Missing Gretyl: A Very Funny Comedy Novel

Are you ready for Gretyl Trollop?

Some say she is loud, hairy and obnoxious. Others are less complimentary. Witness the antics of this 'old timer' Gretyl Trollop, her long-suffering husband, Albert, the Soddall family who have ‘sod all’ and other great characters in this hilarious comedy novel. Add to the chaotic mix a removal van, a hitman, a holiday scam and a murderous plan ... Missing Gretyl More

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Words: 82,490
Language: English
ISBN: 9781311065940
NaNoWriMo:
This book participated in the 2013 National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo).

Goal reached!
Stats, as of November 29, 2013:
82495 words completed (goal: 50000)
Average words/day: 16499

About Si Page

'Fun I love, but too much fun is of all things the most loathsome. Mirth is better than fun, and happiness is better than mirth.' William Blake

The Author

Simon Charles Page was born in Romford, Essex in 1970 and grew up with a love of football, film, frolicking and females (the priority of the four 'F's reversed during his teenage years).

After attending three different senior schools, Simon decided that it wasn't a good idea to turn up for his GCE's and bunked off to head for the workplace as a carpet fitter, only to find the YTS scheme waiting with twenty something quid a week and a clip 'round the ear for cutting carpet 'very wonky'.

Simon describes the next ten years of his working life in grim fashion: 'I've worked as a telesales 'thingy' (eww), vending machine salesman (spit), insurance clerk (snore), debt collector (ouch), recruitment consultant (I liked that one) and a mortgage broker (I worked for sharks and didn't last long).'

Things were to change drastically in 1996, when Simon decided to become a 'real' student and take a B.A. Hons. Theology degree somewhere outside of Essex, called 'The North'.

Simon began to ask questions about this strange new land called 'The North' and was told there was something called the North-South divide. Apparently, things were so bad 'oop North', that folk were likely to be poorer, live off a diet of mushy peas and statistically, die younger. Whether that was down to the mushy peas, Simon wasn't quite sure - that was until he started to do his research.

After reading about an imaginary line called the equator, Simon mistook the North-South divide (which isn't an exact line either) for the Northern and Southern Hemispheres. Things seemed to match at first. After all, the Northern Hemisphere had more pollution due to population density (which Simon believed must contribute to the poor health in 'The North' and not just the mushy peas).

Concerned that he might be sharing a million acres of land with a handful of infected people and the odd tiger or elephant, Simon was relieved to discover that his move to new pastures wouldn't involve a Trans-Atlantic flight, but a car journey up the M6 motorway to a grassy dwelling called Cheshire.

Simon finished his degree in 1999 and until 2007, worked as a Church Minister in Merseyside and Blackpool. In more sophisticated company, Simon explained that he resided in Southport, near Royal Birkdale and when in Lancashire, he lived a few cosy miles from Royal Lytham.

Simon has since been involved in a number of creative projects, patented a new invention with a good friend; launched a number of businesses and of course, written a comedy novel called 'Missing Gretyl'.

He has two lovely boys called Ruben and Freddie and has been married for nearly fifteen years to a beautiful lady called Solana. You can find out more about Si Page on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/comedynovel and Twitter http://twitter.com/missinggretyl

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