Space Monkey

Rated 2.00/5 based on 1 reviews
Will Saver is surprised he has to work with JimJim the Space Monkey. Will thinks JimJim is usless until their patrol ship is attacked by space pirates and his shift on the bridge has gone from bad to worst.

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About David J. Avila

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Review by: Jon Hartford on March 21, 2011 :
This would be pretty funny if the writing wasn't so bad.

The author keeps switching between past and present tense. Actions are described in unnecessary and boring detail--whole paragraphs end up similar to "character1 does blah. character2 does blah. character1 does something else. character3 does blah..." Several characters aren't introduced and you don't even know that they exist until they start talking, and you don't find out who or where they are until even later. Lots of the dialog sounds fake--try reading it out loud. Commas aren't always used properly. Especially annoying are the commas that aren't in the right place, since they interrupt the reading flow and make the sentences not make sense. You shouldn't put a comma between a adjective and the noun it describes. There are also minor issues with spelling, grammar, punctuation and capitalization.

It isn't immediately clear that the pirates boarded the patrol ship--I first thought they were talking by radio. The pirates characters are developed and described well, even though they're absurd. The main characters are barely described at all. Captain PeePee is there to help take over the pirates at the end, with no explanation to how he got there. The ending is good, but could be worded better.

This reads like somebody trying to verbally describe a comic strip or TV show episode, and losing the humor in translation. Maybe it would be better in one of those formats.
(review of free book)

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