Location: United States
Member Since:
Aug. 11, 2012
Patricia Halloff
Smashwords book reviews by Patricia Halloff
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Gift of Continence
on Oct. 11, 2013
(no rating)
HIGH-OCTANE HUMOR What a zany, exhilarating, terrific book! Ms. Ormiston-Smith's novel depicting the blunders of a classic bungler is high-octane humor and a must-read for everyone enjoying a good laugh. Poor Fiona can't do anything right. Oh, she tries! It's just that her concept of right is hopelessly wrong. And what doesn't help matters is that her support system--ditsy friend Gloria, delinquent brother Patrick, gin-swilling grandmother, grumpy cat Moses--are as challenged as she in this regard. From her botched-up wedding to Tim and its series of bad omens, including Moses' ingestion of a sizable chunk of wedding cake, to the possible steps she plans to take in order to escape her short-lived marriage after finding a black garter belt in Tim's suit jacket, Fiona makes a mess of everything. She's a hapless babe in the woods unbelievably naive for her years. Because she has no idea what the gold-plated sex toy some wag gave as a wedding gift is, she displays it on the mantel piece as an ornament. On her virgin trip to a grocery store--apparently she's never been to one before--she buys a few dozen chickens because they're on sale, is extremely proud of herself for saving money, and can't understand Tim's reaction. I thoroughly enjoyed Gift of Continence. Ms. Ormiston-Smith is an excellent writer who had me laughing out loud throughout. The device she employs of beginning chapters with quotations from a traditional marriage ceremony satirically and beautifully accentuate the contrast between what marriage should/could have been and what it turned out to be for poor Fiona. Gift of Continence is a real hoot! Read it and laugh!
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Dance of Chaos
on March 09, 2015
A Brilliant, Clever, Sparkling Comic Masterpiece "Sometimes I think I'm the only sane, rational, well-balanced person in the universe," thinks Fiona, the lovable, irrational, off-balance, wacky narrator of Dance of Chaos. Readers of Tabitha Ormiston-Smith's previous novel Gift of Continence will remember Fiona well. Ah, Fiona! Her trials continue. Her life hasn't become easier since we met her in GOC. She still must deal with the antics of her brother, 13-year-old Patrick whose current reading material of choice is porn. She continues to endure the peccadilloes of her beloved, self-indulgent cat Moses who at one point decides to deposit a mangled rat on the white-robed lap of a visiting Dominican priest and at another to see how high he can climb before being forced to wail for rescue. She must live with a germ-phobic mother who cleans and polishes everything in and out of sight. What a family! A clan beyond dysfunctional whose behavior is hilarious--thanks to the comic genius of Ormiston-Smith. And what a workplace in which she pursues her career as a computer programmer! There, together with eccentric, bitter co-workers she writhes under the heavy thumb of their hysterical boss, Goebbels the Penis. There, where her blithe nature renders her totally unfit for such work, she inevitably botches things up and pandemonium ensues. But never mind. Since she knows "what juvenile minds one comes in contact with in the working world" it takes the sting out of censure. And for comfort there are always daydreams of dispatching alien enemies with swashbuckling ease. I absolutely loved this book. Ormiston-Smith is a tremendously talented writer. Fiona's escapades depicted in such colorful prose had me laughing long and hard from priceless episode to priceless episode. Dance of Chaos is a brilliant, clever, sparkling comic masterpiece. Don't miss it.