Philen Naidu

As a young person, Philen Naidu was a polite, neatly dressed, and well-mannered child who was liked by all his mother’s friends, and by all his friends’ mothers. I was not an ‘A’ student, but I did well enough to gain entry to a university to study engineering. I was not a great sportsperson, but I did enough to be respected in the sporting community.

Early Loves and Contradictions

Music was one of my real and early loves, but in my teenage years, I dropped my pursuit of it because it wasn’t getting me the peer recognition I needed at an elite and private all-boys boarding school; a society that felt quite hostile to anyone on the ‘fringe’.

My other Great Loves according to memory, have all involved Being in Nature … and barefoot as far as possible. In Nature, I remember always feeling fulfilled and content. And in Nature is where I remember being most creative, and receiving the Inspiration that still drives me today.

I dabbled at university, but without heart or conviction. So I dropped out. From early adulthood I realized there were more fundamental truths worth pursuing than what I was being fed at schools.

Decades of Searching

I have since (1999-Present) been on ‘my own path’, figuring out who I am. The joke of this process has been the realization that whenever I claim “I know who I am!”, it is followed by an immediate realization that I am not that; what I see is only another mask falling off.

I have traveled around 40+ countries, and have lived in Israel (3 months), London (7 months), Cape Town (7 years), Zambia (5 years), Johannesburg (7 years), India and Nepal (3 years), and on the Maltese Islands (3 years), since I was 17.

I have only held formal employment for 8 months. And I am the second born child of two Indian teachers out of apartheid South Africa, so I was not born into any inheritance or wealth. Mine was a conscious choice to try build a good life, outside of the conventional capitalist system that thrives on consumption and waste, while destroying Earth.

I have searched for Money, I have searched for Recognition, I have searched for Social Status; I have searched for Security, I have searched for Acceptance, I have searched for Meaning; I have searched for God, I have searched for Knowledge, I have searched for Love; I have searched for Passion, I have searched for Peace, and I have searched for Purpose.

I have found each, several times. And I have lost each, several times. At last I have come to realize that life is neither about the finding nor the losing, but rather about the curiosity to never stop exploring the possibilities.

Website: http://philennaidu.com
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Blog: http://philennaidu.wixsite.com/website/writer

http://philennaidu.wixsite.com/website/writer

memoir    non conformist    spiritual path    swimming upstream    travel memoir    upstream    zambia