Location: Australia
Member Since: Sep. 14, 2013

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Thomas Corfield

Biography

Thomas Corfield was born in London several years ago, definitely before last Thursday. This was a good year for all concerned, and for him in particular, because without it, later years would mean little. He owes a lot to that first year, and now lives because of it in undisclosed locations after having successfully absconded from probation. Although he finds making friends difficult, this is only because no one likes him. Including his mother, who didn’t bother giving him a name until he was nine. His solicitor describes him as having an allergy to apostrophes and an aversion to punctuation that borders on pathological. This makes the popularity of his books all the more remarkable. At least it would if there was any. But there isn't. So it doesn't. He was recently interviewed in Joomag's Meals of Food magazine, which didn't help anyone.

Smashwords Interview

When you're not writing, how do you spend your time?
I breathe quite a lot. Mind you, I do that when I'm writing as well. I've tried not to, but find it impacts significantly on getting proper words out. Once I forced myself not to breathe for three minutes. It was a silly thing to do because I was sick all over my desk.

Sometimes I walk. I've tried doing this while writing also, especially since my arms were busy and my legs were getting indignant. But it didn't work out because every time I did so I left my desk.
Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?
Yes I do. As a child, my sister and brother and myself left an exercise book in the bathroom, and whenever we visited the toilet we would contribute to an ongoing story about our pets. Considering the locale, and the fact two boys were involved, it tended toward a distinct lavatorial theme, which we considered hilarious. My sister's contributions would vainly attempt to return the tale to something more respectable, allowing my brother and myself opportunity to swing it dramatically back towards the puerile with ever increasing vigor.

I still have the book, actually, and the first Dooven book 'The Purging Of Ruen' clearly draws upon it. I think all children should be encouraged to read and write while on the toilet, as it's surprising how much imagination arises in a situation offering limited opportunity for anything other than the obvious.
Read more of this interview.

Where to find Thomas Corfield online

Website: http://www.thomascorfield.com
Twitter: @Doovenism
Facebook: Facebook profile
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thomascorfield
Wattpad: Tastypooh
Blog: https://www.thomascorfield.com/blog

Where to buy in print

https://pandabooks.wixsite.com/books/paperbacks

Videos

The Catacombs' Anthem
This is the anthem music for the Catacombs of Asquith. It is therefore, the theme music to the Velvet Paw of Asquith novels.

Series

The Wrong Books by
Follow a man barely deserving of the title as he flails through a turgid cesspit of human depravity, only to discover that he’s the one bunging up its U-bend, and explore the boundless absurdity arsing from a social ineptitude so crippling that it can only be facade.
Writing Wrongly
Price: $2.99 USD.
Wrongly Writing
Price: $3.99 USD.
The Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels by
Cats ad dogs and high adventure and romance and espionage and food-fights and hotels and explosions and car chases.
The Purging Of Ruen - Abridged
Price: Free!
The Purging Of Ruen
Price: $2.99 USD.
The World Is Badly Made
Price: $3.99 USD.
The Alchemists Of Vra
Price: $4.99 USD.

Books

Wrongly Writing by
Series: The Wrong Books. Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 92,810. Language: English. Published: January 5, 2020 . Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Urban
The much anticipated ongoing saga of an incomplete wanker, involving international drug smuggling operations, complications over library membership, and the Dutch.
Hotel Scenes from the Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels by
Price: Free! Words: 11,960. Language: English. Published: November 26, 2016 . Categories: Fiction » Adventure » Travel, Fiction » Holiday » Humorous
Excerpts from the Velvet Paw of Asquith novels, the infamous international jet-setting adventures of Oscar Teabag-Dooven, involving greed, espionage and the odd foray into professional cheese-shaping.
Chosen Chapters from the Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels by
Price: Free! Words: 17,560. Language: English. Published: November 25, 2016 . Categories: Fiction » Adventure » Travel, Fiction » Mystery & detective » Cozy
Excerpts from the Velvet Paw of Asquith novels, the infamous international jet-setting adventures of Oscar Teabag-Dooven, involving greed, espionage and the odd foray into professional cheese-shaping.
Writing Wrongly - The Middle Bits by
Price: Free! Words: 28,410. Language: Australian English. Published: September 3, 2016 . Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Urban
What happens when the worst writer in the world inadvertently decimates the entire publishing industry? This, that's what. These are the middle bits of a book universally regarded as being distinctly saggy at both ends.
Writing Wrongly by
Series: The Wrong Books. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 95,780. Language: Australian English. Published: June 12, 2016 . Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Thomas is the most dreadful writer to have ever lived. But because of the rubbish he’s written, he won’t be living much longer.
The Alchemists Of Vra by
Series: The Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels, Book 3. Price: $4.99 USD. Words: 180,200. Language: Australian English. Published: January 25, 2016 . Categories: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Adventure, Fiction » Young adult or teen » Fantasy
Cats and dogs and high adventure and romance and espionage and food-fights and hotels and explosions and car chases.
The Purging Of Ruen by
Series: The Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels, Book 1. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 103,970. Language: Australian English. Published: January 18, 2016 . Categories: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Adventure, Fiction » Young adult or teen » Mystery & Detective
Cats and dogs and high adventure and romance and espionage and food-fights and hotels and explosions and car chases.
The World Is Badly Made by
Series: The Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels, Book 2. Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 150,380. Language: Australian English. Published: November 25, 2015 . Categories: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Fantasy, Fiction » Young adult or teen » Thriller & Suspense
Cats and dogs and high adventure and romance and espionage and food-fights and hotels and explosions and car chases.
Coleshanger by
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 67,770. Language: British English. Published: November 20, 2014 . Categories: Nonfiction » Biography » Cultural heritage, Nonfiction » History » European » Europe / Great Britain
“If it can be said a village has a life, then this is a biography.” Norman Williams (1908-1969)
The Purging Of Ruen - Abridged by
Series: The Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels, Book 0. Price: Free! Words: 47,820. Language: Australian English. Published: September 14, 2013 . Categories: Fiction » Adventure » Travel, Fiction » Mystery & detective » Cozy
Cats and dogs and high adventure and romance and espionage and food-fights and hotels and explosions and car chases.

Thomas Corfield's tag cloud

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