Thomas Corfield

Biography

Thomas Corfield was born in London several years ago, definitely before last Thursday. This was a good year for all concerned, and for him in particular, because without it, later years would mean little. He owes a lot to that first year, and now lives because of it in undisclosed locations after having successfully absconded from probation. Although he finds making friends difficult, this is only because no one likes him. Including his mother, who didn’t bother giving him a name until he was nine. His solicitor describes him as having an allergy to apostrophes and an aversion to punctuation that borders on pathological. This makes the popularity of his books all the more remarkable. At least it would if there was any. But there isn't. So it doesn't. He was recently interviewed in Joomag's Meals of Food magazine, which didn't help anyone.

Smashwords Interview

When you're not writing, how do you spend your time?
I breathe quite a lot. Mind you, I do that when I'm writing as well. I've tried not to, but find it impacts significantly on getting proper words out. Once I forced myself not to breathe for three minutes. It was a silly thing to do because I was sick all over my desk.

Sometimes I walk. I've tried doing this while writing also, especially since my arms were busy and my legs were getting indignant. But it didn't work out because every time I did so I left my desk.
Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?
Yes I do. As a child, my sister and brother and myself left an exercise book in the bathroom, and whenever we visited the toilet we would contribute to an ongoing story about our pets. Considering the locale, and the fact two boys were involved, it tended toward a distinct lavatorial theme, which we considered hilarious. My sister's contributions would vainly attempt to return the tale to something more respectable, allowing my brother and myself opportunity to swing it dramatically back towards the puerile with ever increasing vigor.

I still have the book, actually, and the first Dooven book 'The Purging Of Ruen' clearly draws upon it. I think all children should be encouraged to read and write while on the toilet, as it's surprising how much imagination arises in a situation offering limited opportunity for anything other than the obvious.
Read more of this interview.

Where to find Thomas Corfield online


Where to buy in print


Videos

The Catacombs' Anthem
This is the anthem music for the Catacombs of Asquith. It is therefore, the theme music to the Velvet Paw of Asquith novels.

Books

Hotel Scenes from the Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels
Price: Free! Words: 14,220. Language: English. Published: November 26, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Adventure » Travel, Fiction » Holiday » Humorous
Excerpts from the Velvet Paw of Asquith novels, the infamous international jet-setting adventures of Oscar Teabag-Dooven, involving greed, espionage and the odd foray into professional cheese-shaping.
Chosen Chapters from the Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels
Price: Free! Words: 20,680. Language: English. Published: November 25, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Adventure » Travel, Fiction » Mystery & detective » Cozy
Excerpts from the Velvet Paw of Asquith novels, the infamous international jet-setting adventures of Oscar Teabag-Dooven, involving greed, espionage and the odd foray into professional cheese-shaping.
Writing Wrongly - The Middle Bits
Price: Free! Words: 28,410. Language: Australian English. Published: September 3, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy, Fiction » Urban
What happens when the worst writer in the world inadvertently decimates the entire publishing industry? This, that's what. These are the middle bits of a book universally regarded as being distinctly saggy at both ends.
Writing Wrongly
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 95,780. Language: Australian English. Published: June 12, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Thomas is the most dreadful writer to have ever lived. But because of the rubbish he’s written, he won’t be living much longer.
The Alchemists Of Vra
Series: The Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels, Book 3. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 186,900. Language: Australian English. Published: January 25, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Mystery & detective » Cozy, Fiction » Young adult or teen » Adventure
Consider a world inhabited with only cats and dogs: a society recognizable as our own, but with its eccentricities being the norm, rather than the exception. A world where the charm of Kenneth Grahame’s Wind In the Willows meets the exotic world of Ian Fleming’s Bond. A world where fluffy just got dangerous. These are the Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels: welcome to the genre of New Fable.
The Purging Of Ruen
Series: The Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels, Book 1. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 104,250. Language: Australian English. Published: January 18, 2016. Categories: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Adventure, Fiction » Adventure » General
Consider a world inhabited by only cats and dogs: a society recognizable as our own, but with its eccentricities being the norm, rather than the exception. A world where the charm of Kenneth Grahame’s Wind In the Willows meets the exotic world of Ian Fleming’s Bond. A world where fluffy just got dangerous. These are the Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels: welcome to the genre of New Fable.
The World Is Badly Made
Series: The Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels, Book 2. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 152,690. Language: Australian English. Published: November 25, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Adventure » Travel, Fiction » Holiday » Humorous
Consider a world inhabited by only cats and dogs: a society recognizable as our own, but with its eccentricities being the norm, rather than the exception. A world where the charm of Kenneth Grahame’s Wind In the Willows meets the exotic world of Ian Fleming’s Bond. A world where fluffy just got dangerous. These are the Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels: welcome to the genre of New Fable.
Coleshanger
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 67,770. Language: British English. Published: November 20, 2014. Categories: Nonfiction » Biography » Cultural heritage, Nonfiction » History » European
“If it can be said a village has a life, then this is a biography.” Norman Williams (1908-1969)
The Purging Of Ruen - Abridged
Series: The Velvet Paw of Asquith Novels, Book 0. Price: Free! Words: 48,200. Language: Australian English. Published: September 14, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Adventure » Travel, Fiction » Mystery & detective » Cozy
An insane and bitter cat schemes to save her beloved city by destroying it.

Thomas Corfield's tag cloud