Phoenix Baker


Hello! I write smut. Or rather, I write happy, sex-positive stories that aren't afraid of the occasional bit of blatant humanity. When was the last time you saw a character in a novel stop mid-sentence to sneeze? Or walk into a room, immediately forget what the hell she went in there for, and wander around for a minute trying to remember what she was doing? These little malfunctions are a part of being alive, and I think we need to see more of them in our fiction. I hope that you enjoy my stories about malfunctioning humans who fall in love and do really weird things to each other.

About me:
I am kept warm and dry by a beautiful redhead, who keeps me in a little hutch at the bottom of her garden. I write my stories in the dirt with a stick, and then I sit on them until they hatch into ebooks. I give those ebooks to Amazon and Smashwords, and then people send me shiny pennies by abstracting them into ones and zeroes and pushing them to me through a big hose. I don't properly understand how it works, but it lets me buy more carrots, so that's okay.

Amazon told me to write a proper biography like the guy who wrote "Angela's Ashes," but he uses his real name and has won awards, and he probably writes using a computer or something, not a stick. I haven't won any awards.

Smashwords Interview

What is the greatest joy of writing for you?
Doing things that you couldn't do in a film, or a game. Getting right inside the character's head, and showing the reader exactly what's going on up there.

Which is important, because it's only "up there" that everyone is just as neurotic and indecisive as you.
Who are your favorite authors?
I have a soft spot for Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, but my all-time favourite author has to be Spider Robinson. His books are like a big hug on paper. He writes optimistic sci-fi - but it's the best kind of sci-fi, the kind where it's all about people having a good time together and maybe saving the world while they're at it.
Read more of this interview.

Where to find Phoenix Baker online


A series of stories, some short and some long, about two best friends who fall in love and do really weird things to each other.
Price: Free!
Schrödinger's Mittens
Price: $0.99 USD.
Cyber Mittens
Price: $0.99 USD.
High Voltage Mittens
Price: $3.99 USD.
Remote Control Mittens
Price: $0.99 USD.


Remote Control Mittens
Series: Mittens. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 6,310. Language: English. Published: December 16, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Lesbian Erotica, Fiction » Romance » Erotic
Sometime between Cyber Mittens and High Voltage Mittens, Sam and Nina went and rode rollercoasters, and bumped into Nina's friend Khushi. Sometime later, Khushi told Sam and Nina what they'd unknowingly done to her during that brief encounter. Sometime recently, Sam and Nina asked Khushi if they could write a story about it. And sometime now, it's going to get sweaty.
High Voltage Mittens
Series: Mittens. Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 26,320. Language: English. Published: December 15, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Lesbian Erotica, Fiction » Romance » Erotic
A story about electrodes, transformers, and highly conductive terror-sweat, "High Voltage Mittens" is the long-awaited full-length sequel to the original "Mittens" in which Sam and Nina experiment with electrical play, and certain secrets are revealed.
Cyber Mittens
Series: Mittens. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 6,980. Language: English. Published: December 4, 2017. Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Lesbian Erotica, Fiction » Romance » Erotic
In this second bite-sized helping from our most biteable duo, Nina and Sam are here to demonstrate that just because you're not in the same building, that doesn't mean you can't have extremely elaborate sexytimes. Cyber Mittens features the adorable quirkiness you've come to expect from Nina and Sam, plus revelation of exciting new fantasies, intense masturbation, and butt stuff.
Schrödinger's Mittens
Series: Mittens. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 6,310. Language: English. Published: November 17, 2015. Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Lesbian Erotica, Fiction » Romance » Erotic
Samantha and Nina return in this short story sequel to the original Mittens! Set an hour or so after the end of Mittens, this tale features more of the delightful quirkiness you've come to expect from Sam and Nina, along with a brief discussion of quantum uncertainty and wanking.
Series: Mittens. Price: Free! Words: 23,930. Language: English. Published: September 14, 2013. Categories: Fiction » Erotica » Lesbian Erotica, Fiction » Erotica » BDSM
(4.50 from 2 reviews)
"Mittens" is a silly and lighthearted story of two women falling in love, one of whom is deliciously kinky and the other delightfully nerdy. This first novella-length episode contains some authority kink, mild watersports fantasy, a brief discussion on vibration modification, domination/submission, cuddles, toast, an inexplicable fixation on boxing gloves, and lots of love, light and laughter.

Phoenix Baker's tag cloud

Phoenix Baker's favorite authors on Smashwords

Nancy Kress
Latest book: Stinger. Published November 2, 2014.