Narcissism is a very misunderstood term. In the popular lexicon, it seems to be used interchangeably with self-confidence or self-absorption. How do you define narcissism?
Narcissism (rather, pathological narcissism) is the absence of a functioning self (or, to be more precise, Ego).
It is the constant dependence upon other people to gain self-esteem, to regulate a sense of self-worth and to gain self-confidence.
Narcissism is, therefore, other-absorption rather than self-absorption.
The narcissist is attuned to input (real or perceived) from other people because in the absence of such constant feedback he feels annulled, non-existent, void (and in many respects, he is). I use he, though everything I say here applies equally forcefully to women narcissists.
The narcissist constructs an elaborate, largely fictitious, grandiose image of himself (the False Self). He then hurls it at people and monitors their every reaction. Reactions that conform to the misinformation purveyed by the False Self generate flooding, immersive sensations of omnipotence, omniscience, brilliance and perfection.
Reactions that negate the False Self cause narcissistic injury:- a terrible, insupportable, excruciating agony. The narcissist administers mental painkillers to himself by discounting ("devaluing") the source of the hurtful reaction, by dismissing the reaction itself, or by altering the False Self to conform to it - in short, by activating a mechanism known as "cognitive dissonance".
Is there such a thing as healthy narcissism, and at one point would you say that narcissism enters the realm of pathology?
Narcissism is an integral part of our development as humans. A residue of it survives well into adulthood. It is essential, it keeps us alive. It drives us to achieve things and to seek the approval of other humans. It helps us bond with significant others, motivates us to raise children, to consume, to study, to explore, to discover, to invent, to innovate. It is a powerful engine of human and personal progress.
Pathological narcissism has very little to do with healthy narcissism. It thrives on ANY kind of attention, even on a negative one (infamy, fear, hatred) and from ANYONE (the narcissist has no significant or meaningful others in his life). It is divorced from reality (fails the reality test). The False Self is... well ... false. It is a concoction, a confabulation, a distorted invention, replete with magical thinking and ideas of reference. It leads to dependence rather than to inter-dependence, to conflict rather than to collaboration, to sadistic behaviours rather to tender emotions and intimacy. It is a malignant form of narcissism because it takes over the host and then kills it.
Read more of this interview.