Hank Gross

Biography

I have been a writer and editor for over 40 years, beginning in New York City in the 60's, where I freelanced for various magazines and worked as an editor at the National Examiner tabloid newspaper. I also did research and writing for the Reader's Digest (Hell's Angels, Motorcycle Safety) and flew to Louisville to interview (in poetry) Cassius Clay before he won the title and became Ali. His mother was the sweetest woman and made the best potato salad I've ever had.

I have had novels and non-fiction published by major publishers such as Ballantine, World, Arbor House, Peter Pauper Press, and William Morrow, as well as many short stories and articles in major national publications, such as "The Boy Who Ate New York" in the National Lampoon, 1991. (This can be read online at my website, http://www.hankgross.com. I have also taught English and writing to students from Asia, Africa, and Latin America.

I studied street photography with Randall Warniers at MIT, as well as figure photography. I won first prize in the December 1995 Popular Photography contest and was later profiled in the magazine (August 1997). Recently, I have taken up painting (acrylics), which can be viewed on my website.

My email is: hankgross@gmail.com

Where to find Hank Gross online


Books

Playing the Comedia
By
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 3,060. Language: English. Published: June 1, 2014. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
A man invents a machine that can play comedy -- not write jokes but create slapstick skits using robots that are scientifically funny. But when the inventor makes his debut appearance at Carnegie Hall, the punchline key gets stuck, and comedy starts fissioning and turning into tragedy.
The Species-a-torium
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Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 3,640. Language: English. Published: April 4, 2014. Category: Fiction » Horror » Weird fiction
This short story is a philosophical black comedy about a bizarre theme park in San Diego to which people go to let animals eat them, and for others to watch them getting eaten. It's an atonement thing for centuries of humanity's cruelty to animals. And it's a great place to take a first date, too!
Celebrity Sex Scandals
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,500. Language: English. Published: March 22, 2014. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
Celebrity Sex Scandals mock-reveals the shameful sexual secrets of the famous and notorious. For example, Film star Clark Gable was once jailed for undressing in front of a ferret. Thomas Edison considered the electric light primarily a tool to tell if he was having sex with a boy, a girl, a vase, or the rug on his laboratory floor. All in fun, of course, none of it "actually" true,
Why Pi?
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Price: $10.00 USD. Words: 11,940. Language: English. Published: June 9, 2013. Category: Essay » Technology
Understanding the Basic Principle of the Universe. Why Pi? goes beyond the traditional examination of the ten trillion digits of pi now discovered into the deeper meaning of the ratio between a circle's diameter and its circumference -- and posits that pi is the origin of our universe and all its manifestations, from space to light to gravity to love and time and infinity.
Dueling Toilets
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,580. Language: English. Published: February 22, 2013. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
A tongue-in-cheek tale of what happened when I flushed my toilet and the toilet in the adjacent apartment flushed back at me.
The Boy Who Ate New York
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,950. Language: English. Published: February 22, 2013. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire
Charles Balsam, age 12, aspires to be a trencherman, a person who eats foods outside the traditional food pyramid, like iron, aluminum, bricks and fire hydrants. One famous trencher ate a whole car. But Charles had bigger plans: he wanted to eat New York City, including Rockefeller Center, the Public Library, and Saks Fifth Avenue. Bon Appetit, Charles!
Celebrity Roast
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Price: $9.99 USD. Words: 49,640. Language: English. Published: January 31, 2013. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
God throws a surprise birthday party for his son, and invites the bigshots of history to attend. The devil, down in his workshop, learns of this and sends up his own team of history's lemons to sign up the souls he missed the first time around. Much fun on Christmas Eve in New York City, as the celebrities roast each other and end with a rousing climax at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel.
Loony Bin
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Price: $9.99 USD. Words: 66,430. Language: English. Published: August 1, 2011. Category: Fiction » Plays & Screenplays » American
A strange love affair between and older male writer and a beautiful "crazy" woman 23 years his junior. She has Paranoid Personality Disorder, and their precarious romance is hampered by an evil, jealous old lady who lives in their apartment complex.
Gourmet Cat Recipes
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,780. Language: English. Published: April 5, 2010. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
I have never met a cat I didn't like, so long as it was properly cooked. Recipes include: Kitty Liver Kabobs, Catballs and Spaghetti, Pussy Pot Pie, Sweet and Sour Korat, Burmilla Omelet, Siberian Blue Stroganoff, Calico Coconut Soup, Mu Shu Manx, Brown Mackerel Meatloaf, & Persian Paprika with dumplings. No cats were harmed in the production of this book. Bon appetit.
Strange Thinkings
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Price: $9.99 USD. Words: 37,840. Language: English. Published: April 5, 2010. Category: Fiction » Literature » Literary
This book contains shorter pieces from the author's strange and original mind, and includes fiction, humor, poetry, science fiction novelette, philosophical musings and autobiographical material. Try a free taste of Dueling Toilets (the first story) for an idea of what awaits you.
The Masterpiece of Nice Mr. Breen
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Price: $9.99 USD. Words: 42,130. Language: English. Published: March 22, 2010. Category: Fiction » Mystery & detective » General
Is it murder or is it art? Mr. Breen, drug dealer and frustrated artist, comes up with a stroke of genius-he'll create a multimedia masterpiece by murdering people in a geometric progression-1,2,4,8,16 and so on, peaking at 256 and then heading down toward 1 again to create a diamond shape. Moreover, he'll commit many of these homicides on a live television talk show. Comic fun.
Deskometrics
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Price: $9.99 USD. Words: 10,890. Language: English. Published: March 18, 2010. Category: Nonfiction » Health, wellbeing, & medicine » Exercise
The workout you do right at your desk. Use the bulk of your desk as a weight against which to exercise, stretch, tone and build the various muscles of your body. Excellent for the deskbound, and for corporations, health orgs, and municipalities which want to keep their employees fit. and healthy. The "deskercises" are for real but presented tongue in cheek and funny. Cover photo:Richard ChauDavis
Jesus Plays the Catskills
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Price: $9.99 USD. Words: 24,280. Language: English. Published: March 6, 2010. Category: Fiction » Literature » Religious
In this sublime retelling of the story and teachings of Christ's life, Jesus himself takes the mike and tells it to a Borscht-belt crowd as a Jewish comic might. It's the New Testament as you've never heard it before! So here he is, ladies and germs, the King of Kings, the Lamb of God...let's give it up, folks, for JESUS!
A Good Yarn
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Price: $9.99 USD. Words: 67,670. Language: English. Published: March 1, 2010. Category: Fiction » Mystery & detective » General
Artie Weiss is the publisher of True Occult, a totally fabricated magazine of the supernatural. I am its editor. We lie daily for a living until one day party or parties unknown turn the tables on us and we find ourselves being led through a saga of time travel, mind manipulation and a government plan to develop a gun that shoots peace! We must follow their yarn until the startling surprise ending
Bogie Does Hollywood--the Ride!
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Price: $9.99 USD. Words: 47,600. Language: English. Published: March 1, 2010. Category: Fiction » Erotica » General
What happens when a virtual reality maestro resurrects the stars of the Golden Age of Hollywood and puts them in a porn flick? Join me as I strap on my eyephones and am swept off on an interactive trip to the Pleasure Palace of the Stars with my pal Humphrey Bogart. Starring K. Hepburn, Jimmy Stewart, Spencer Tracy, Boris Karloff, Cagney, Wayne, Groucho, and my virtual sweetheart, Judy Garland.
The Flower and the Tree
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Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 11,260. Language: English. Published: February 22, 2010. Category: Fiction » Children’s books » Fairy tales & fables
The Flower and the Tree is a fable for all ages, showing that all lifetimes, no matter how "long," are really the same: one. Here a tree, to whom a day is just a tiny sliver of his life, becomes friends with a flower, to whom the day is his whole life, from birth to death.
Raunchy Jokes for Guys
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Price: $3.95 USD. Words: 25,980. Language: English. Published: February 16, 2010. Category: Nonfiction » Entertainment » Humor and satire
A hilarious compendium of the world's best dirty jokes, with categories for celebrities, blondes, masturbation, adultery, farting, peeing, drunks, nuns, two-liners (How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her), maughty limericks, teachers, animals, religion, marriage, old age, gays, priests, rabbies, orgasms and private parts. A great gift for men and women alike, a real hit at parties.
The Dirtiest Dozen
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Price: $5.95 USD. Words: 28,110. Language: English. Published: February 16, 2010. Category: Nonfiction » Sex and Relationships  » Sex and culture
In 1968, Screw hit the newsstands in New York City. At 25 cents a copy, the first printing of 7000 sold out and soon its circulation topped 100,000. Soon Al Goldstein's venture was joined by KISS, COK, CUN, KISS, FAG, LIK, OOH, SEX, ASS, TIT and WOW, and authorities moved, unsuccessfully, to prosecute them for obscenity. A fun romp through the glory days of the sex newspapers. By Dirk Malloy.
Sexual Fetishism
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Price: $9.99 USD. Words: 24,660. Language: English. Published: February 16, 2010. Category: Nonfiction » Sex and Relationships  » Sexual behavior
Take a walk on the wild side with this breezily-written guide to sexual fetishes, from agalmatophilia (arousal by statues) to renifleurism (urine and underwear, to doraphila (fur fetish), including quotes from some of the estimated 50 million praticioners and a comprehensive glossary of over 700 fetishes you probably never heard of. Pen name: Dirk Malloy.
The Aphrodisiac Bible
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Price: $9.99 USD. Words: 22,440. Language: English. Published: February 16, 2010. Category: Nonfiction » Sex and Relationships  » Sexual enhancement
A comprehensive guide to erotic enhancement, with the real lowdown on herbs and plants, chocolate, oysters, beepollen, scents, pheromones, recreational and prescription drugs, yohimbine, testosterone, the g-spot, sex toys, ambiance, fetishes, sex clubs, swinging, erotica, tantra and a chapter on aphrodisiac myths, such as Spanish Fly and Jimson weed, which can kill you.
Temping for Martyrs Inc.
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Price: $9.99 USD. Words: 76,500. Language: English. Published: February 13, 2010. Category: Fiction » Science fiction » General
Having shown mathematically that punishment does not rehabilitate criminals but only love does ("Love thy enemies") America abolishes its prisons in favor of the U.S. Department of Forgiveness. But will it work on their toughest customer yet -- a vicious unrepentent child killer? It all depends on two temp "forgivers" lest the country again become "Big Sadist."
The King of Central Park
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Price: $9.99 USD. Words: 46,280. Language: English. Published: February 9, 2010. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
When a brilliant criminal decides to steal 3000 paintings from the Metropolitan Museum in New York, he seals off all of Central Park and turns it into a kingdom for a day. For the king, he conscripts a nerdy accountant--why? Because he's a 42-short, and that's the only size king suit they have available. Join Emerson the King and his pot-smoking mom for the most audacious comic heist of all time
Cubeworld
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Price: $9.99 USD. Words: 20,400. Language: English. Published: February 8, 2010. Category: Fiction » Science fiction » General
An adventure in solid geometry wherein our spherical planet is reformed into a cube, engendering many odd effects -- rain falls at an angle, the oceans gravitate to the centers of the sides, and unexpected pyramidical forces send Cubeworld on a hairraising journey through the solar system. If you liked Flatland, you'll like Cubeworld.
Chessmaster Biz Secrets
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Price: $9.99 USD. Words: 47,550. Language: English. Published: February 5, 2010. Category: Nonfiction » Self-improvement » Motivation and inspiration
A unique correlation of the wisdom of the great chessmasters with the principles of success in business. Quotations from such masters as Bobby Fischer, Mikhail Tal, Casablanca, and others are used as a jumping off point to explore how those maxims can be carried over into the world of commerce.

Hank Gross’s tag cloud

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